How to Actually Have a Fulfilled Sex Life in 13 Easy Steps
Why just have good sex, when you can have amazing sex? Whether looking to learn how to enjoy sex in a relationship or with a one-night stand, having sex is meant to be fun and pleasurable. If you feel that your sex life or sex drive is lacking in either of these departments, it makes sense that you would want to seek out ways, regardless of how simple, to improve it. From figuring out what you’re looking for sexually to the steps involved in fulfilling these needs, sex doesn’t have to be a scary or confusing topic to explore more deeply.
Curious about how to have good sex in a relationship or how to get more sexually active in a more casual sense? Consider the tips and tricks below to make good sex even better and to have a truly fulfilled sex life.
1. Discuss what ‘good sex’ means to you
Before you can develop expectations (or even discuss) sex with a partner, it’s essential to understand what you define as your ideal sexual encounters. While you’re at it, figuring out what ‘okay,’ ‘mediocre,’ and ‘awful’ sex looks like to you can help, as well! For starters, you may want to explore what your sex style is and, if with someone on a more romantic level, your attachment style, too.
Regardless of the type of connection you have with the person you’re engaging with sexually, whether casual or serious, knowing what you expect from a sexual encounter before engaging with the person physically can help you have a better relationship with them in terms of mutual understanding and respect.
2. Take advantage of pillow talk
While it’s always a good idea to have better conversations with the people you’re having sex with, doing so can be much easier in those moments after you finish. While you’re lying in bed (or on the floor, on the couch — wherever you had sex), take the time to talk about both what you loved and were less than fond of during your latest session.
When you talk about sex with your partner honestly and openly, you’re helping them learn what works best for your body and how they can pleasure you more the next time around. Keep in mind that every body is different; the way they aroused a partner in the past may not be working for you. By showing or telling them how they can bring you sexual pleasure, you’re making the learning process much quicker.
3. Suggest ways on how to improve your sex life
Having a fulfilling sex life means taking the reins of your pleasure into your own hands. This is particularly relevant for people in long-term relationships or who enjoy the company of (a) sexual partner(s) for a longer time. For some, this might be adjusting your schedules to make time for sex when you have more energy and have a higher sex drive. For others looking to have sex after kids, it might be coming to an agreement that you’ll jump on any opportunity to have sex when the kids are sleeping or otherwise occupied. Being transparent with one another on what you believe can make your sex lives better can make sex better.
4. Try a little bit of ‘dirty talk’
Both in-person dirty talk and sexting are on the table for this suggestion, setting the mood for the physical intimacy to come. Not only does this flirtatious chatter get you and your sex partner interested in what’s in store for you, but it’s the ideal opportunity to bring up anything you might want to try out. Think of it as testing the waters.
When you ‘do something’ in your sext (for example, “I’m going to lick your clit while my fingers slide into your wet pussy” or “I’ll take your throbbing cock in one hand while my finger inches slowly into your asshole”) or suggest something new and sexually adventurous whispered in their ear, they have the chance to let you know if they’re into that idea or would rather try something else, instead. Before trying anything new though, remember to get explicit consent.
5. Be clear on what affects your sex drive
We know we make it obvious that communication is critical for the success of any relationship, from casual friends to married couples, but we want to drive home the fact that this applies to all subjects of discussion. Yes, this includes talking to your partner about your needs, sexual or otherwise.
For some, this might look like bringing up the prevalence of mismatched libidos, considering aphrodisiac foods you enjoy, how your hormones or current health conditions could be affecting your sex drive, or distractions in your life that are making it difficult to get fully into having sex. Sometimes, simply putting these things on the table and addressing them is enough to get your libido back on track — or, at the very least, a great starting point to do so.
6. Learn about your body through masturbation
This is one of our favourite tricks that don’t require a partner — although, having your partner watch on can be equally erotic for you both. Not only is masturbation good for you, but this opportunity for knowing your body better can lead to a more fulfilling sex life. You’ll be able to understand where to touch yourself during future masturbation sessions, but you also can guide your partner to these places so that they can pleasure these erogenous zones, too.
Plus, incorporating various sex toys for couples has been known to boost mutual enjoyment of sex significantly!
7. Break free of a monotonous routine
This tip is particularly relevant to long-term couples having sex (or not currently having sex, but seeking a more fulfilling sex life). Breaking free of your routine, whatever that may look like to you, can quickly and easily make the lead-up to, as well as the act of sex, more thrilling.
Some things you may want to try include working at seducing your long-term partner as a way to get even yourself worked up, including sexting and sending nudes throughout the day. Having carefree and messy sex is another great option, as losing the inhibitions that can come with planned, calculated sex routines lead to less stress and, as a result, more fun.
8. Dive into your sexual fantasies
For some, sexual satisfaction can come from something as simple as delving into a fantasy they have about sex. Perhaps it’s discovering the thrills of exhibitionism by having sex in public. Maybe it’s acting out a role-playing scenario they have always wanted to try. Regardless of your particular fantasies, uncovering them and seeing how they can be acted on (or even have the waters tested in exploring them) can be incredibly pleasurable and sexually fulfilling. Take the time to acknowledge what turns you on and what can be done to make sex more exciting, then figure out what the logical next steps might be.
9. Explore your kinks and fetishes
Something as simple as talking to your significant other about your kinks and fetishes and diving deeper into these desires can make your sex life infinitely better. Discussing these topics openly with a sexual partner will foster an opportunity to see if they are receptive to partaking in it along with you, or even if there is some way to help you bring sexual satisfaction to yourself through these kinks and fetishes.
Remember: your partner might not always be on board with engaging in certain sexual activities, and that’s okay. No one should be forced into doing things they are not comfortable with, and a frank discussion can help you get clear on expectations and personal boundaries.
10. Think outside of the box
Boring sex can sometimes feel unfulfilling, because it becomes routine; the repercussions were mentioned above. Thus, thinking outside of the box and coming up with new ways and places to fulfil yourself (and for your partner to pleasure you) is a great area to consider. Exploring such things as sensation play, where you can fully engage your sensory and physical perceptions, can boost your sex life. Likewise, figuring out the best places to have sex, that work for you and your desires, is another important consideration.
Yes, these things will work wonders when done on their own, but in combination with multiple explorative ideas... you’re definitely in for a more erotic adventure.
11. Get physical in non-sexual ways
In some ways, getting intimate in a non-sexual way can make sex (when you do have it) much more sensual, passionate, and fulfilling. But how can one build intimacy without sex?
Most simply, spending time together, including getting to know each other more deeply and learning more about the state of your current lives (both separately as individuals and together as a couple), is a great start. Whether through unique date ideas that you’ll both enjoy or at-home dates where you can focus solely on one another, these are perfect opportunities to discover anything from one another’s love languages to talking about how to increase libido for you both. Trust us — you’ll thank yourselves for setting aside this valuable time!
12. Talk to a sex therapist
Similar to how a couples’ therapist would help folks in relationships get through trying times (or even to generally uplift and maintain their romantic partnership), a sex therapist is a specialist you can turn to for advice on — you guessed it — sex. Think of them as a sexual ‘consultant,’ a person who can create a personalized plan based on individual sexual objectives for both solo explorers and people in relationships who are seeking to improve their overall sex life. When it comes to sex therapists, you can go to them whether you’re in a sexual slump or have a thriving sex life that you want to make even better.
13. Stop worrying about having a fulfilled sex life
While it may seem a bit counter-intuitive, the best way to have a more fulfilled sex life is by not dwelling on your lack of it. Sure, there are plenty of health benefits to sex, and yes, great sex is incredible! However, the stressors associated with overthinking about it can do you more harm than good.
Do what you can to improve your situation, take active steps forward in achieving it, but don’t worry yourself needlessly if things don’t begin to change immediately. With time, things will shift and begin to work out as you become clearer on your expectations and how you can make them a reality.
Is it clear now, how simple it can be to improve your sex life? Through becoming surer of your desires, getting to know your body better, and clear communication with the people you engage with sexually, a fulfilled sex life will come much more easily. It’s not about learning how to improve your sex life through boosting your libido, so much as it is about mastering how to enjoy sex in a relationship (both long-term romantic relationships and casual flings, including friends with benefits).
Soon, good sex will be incredible sex for you.
Do you know how to enjoy sex in a relationship? What about how to improve your sex life, to have a fulfilled sex life and a higher sex drive? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
