Kinks refer to the ‘non-conventional’ practises or fantasies a person does or has, while a fetish defines the object of their sexual fantasies, whether it is a living being or an inanimate object. When considering either definition, both are generally viewed as being off-limits from a societal viewpoint.

Fortunately, the world has become progressively sex-positive, meaning that many fetishes and kinks are now considered more ‘normal.’ Yet, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person has is always understood. This is partially due to the different subcultures that often branch from a single fetish or kink, which can leave outsiders unsure of what they actually entail.

To help break down the walls of confusion and apprehension, today, we’ve decided to delve into the topic of anal sex and anal play. We hope that it will give you a better understanding of what it’s like to experience this fetish, and what someone who takes part in it is into.

What is anal sex?

Anal sex is the act of inserting a penis or sex toy (for example, a strap on) into the anus. Anal play, on the other hand, involves any stimulation of the area. This may include fingering, licking, or any foreplay that does not necessarily involve penetration of any kind.

Common misconceptions

First things first: though someone who enjoys anal sex and anal play may be a pygophile (a person with a strong sexual attraction to the human buttocks), they don’t have to be. As for the common belief that one of the benefits of anal sex allows the woman to remain a virgin... well, that misconception has no black and white answer.

If the definition of ‘virginity’ refers to the breaking of the hymen, then exclusively having anal sex will avoid this. However, because someone with a vagina can break their hymen in many ways that do not involve sex — sports, horseback riding, or inserting a sex toy — one may then question this (perhaps outdated) definition.

Of course, the meaning of ‘virginity’ differs yet again when looking at couples that do not have a penis and vagina, respectively. At the end of the day, whether or not you feel that you are a virgin from having anal sex alone is up to you.

How to talk about it with your partner

Now you may be thinking about how to have anal sex with your partner, or simply how to bring it up in conversation. If you tend to sext one another, you can introduce it during one of your steamy exchanges and gauge how they feel from there. If they seem receptive, you will feel more confident in mentioning it later on. Of course, there’s always the straightforward option of bringing it up in a face-to-face conversation to speak frankly about it.

Be aware that not everyone will be open to anal sex, whether it be because of its more ‘taboo’ nature or because of the pain that is often associated with it. If your partner is unwilling and does not give consent, do not try to pressure them into it.

Things to try

It’s essential to understand how to have anal sex before you jump right into it. The anus is not a self-lubricating orifice, meaning that artificial lubricant is needed to make the insertion of a penis, sex toy, or any other object easier. Water-based works best, so as not to break down the condom.

Failure to do so can result in tearing, or at the very least, a lot of discomfort and pain. Whether it’s your first time trying it or if you are a veteran, take things slowly and stop the moment that either partner does not feel comfortable or safe continuing.

Are there risks to consider?

Because this is a physical, sexual encounter that (typically) involves the genitals, you have to be careful to practise safe sex by using protection and exploring all of your birth control options. There is a risk of spreading or contracting STIs when a condom is not used. As well, though one of the benefits of anal sex is the fact that there is not a risk of pregnancy (if the recipient has a vagina and uterus), there is a risk should semen be spilled into the vagina or vulva during anal play.

If the recipient has a vagina, keep in mind that once you have had anal sex, the condom should be removed and the penis or sex toy washed thoroughly before insertion into the vagina, to prevent infections from occurring.

How can I learn more?

Embarking on any new sexual adventure can be equal parts exciting and terrifying, and that’s okay! The online world is your oyster if you’re interested in learning how to have anal sex or what small tweaks others are doing to make it more interesting.

You should also make yourself aware of the benefits of anal sex. This can include an increased likelihood of having an orgasm (and an intense one, at that!), a deepened bond with your partner, the exploration of your sexual desires, and the simple thrill of doing something that others could find shocking. What isn’t tempting about all of that?

After reading this, we hope that you now have a deeper understanding of what anal sex is. The next time the topic of such sex scenarios comes up in conversation, you will hopefully feel more confident in being open to speaking about it, including the open discussion of the downfalls and benefits of anal sex. Whether it’s learning more about the fetish from someone who enjoys it first-hand or educating another person closed off to the idea of what it entails, we feel that we have done our job on making the world a more sexually inclusive place.

Have you tried anal sex before? Is anal play something that you would be willing to experiment with? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

Fetish Friday: Anal Sex