Talking to Your Partner About Your Kinks and Fetishes
**Please note that kinks are ‘non-conventional’ fantasies that a person may have or practise, while a fetish describes the object of their sexual fantasies. This could be a living being or an inanimate object.**
Determining how to talk to your partner about your kinks (or even how to bring up your kinks or sexual fetishes) can be stressful. However, if kinky sex truly makes you feel fulfilled and is something that you spend a lot of time thinking about — and wanting to engage in with your partner — speaking about it openly with them will ultimately help you to have a better relationship.
Whether you’re into sounding, infantilism, cuckolding, objectum sexuality, or anything in between, here is how to bring up your kinks and sexual fetishes with your significant other.
Test the waters
Before deciding how to bring up your kinks explicitly, you can put your feelers out to see how your partner will likely react. During your next round of sexting, drop a line or two incorporating an aspect of your kink into the conversation. If you have a foot fetish, you might say, “I want to take your toes in my mouth and suck on each one slowly.”
How did they react? Have they slut-shamed you? If so, this likely isn’t the right partner for you.
Pick the right time to talk
While it’s true that the sooner you bring it up in a relationship, the better, you still need to decide how to talk to your partner about your kinks. Particularly, speaking about it at the right time. Pick a time where you’re both calm, awake, and can focus on what has to be said; right after work or late at night right before going to sleep are two times to avoid.
Your best bet is to set up a time to talk together, to make sure that you’re both ready.
Be frank and honest
Now that your fetish is on the metaphorical table, you need to give all the details. Talk about what your kink means to you, including how it affects your life. It would be best if you also addressed any stereotypes that may come to mind.
For example, if you are into BDSM, you should outline which aspects you are most interested in and would like to try. Be clear on what you would expect from your partner, should they agree to it, to avoid it simply being confused with a physically abusive relationship.
Encourage your partner to ask questions
Once you’ve said your piece, reassure your significant other that they can ask you any questions. Address all concerns that they have at the moment, while also encouraging them to bring up issues as they arise, down the road.
It may be useful to have some resources in your back pocket, such as erotic fiction or even some of the best sex blogs on the internet for them to read and reference. This can give them a greater understanding of the kink or fetish.
Ask your significant other to be honest
Ultimately, whether or not you can act on your fetish with your partner will depend on if they consent to it (enthusiastically and without coercion). This means that they have to be truly honest about their feelings on the matter of having kinky sex; if comfortable with it, they must also be clear on any boundaries that they have.
Just as your partner allowed you to speak freely, you must give them the chance to do so.
Consider the future of your relationship
If your significant other is on board with everything, and willing to test the waters with your fetish or kink, that’s great! However, if they do not consent, talk about your other options. Maybe it involves attending a play party or going to a sex club to experiment with other people, or possibly having an open relationship. Decide what works best for the two of you.
If you don’t want to break up with someone you love, it’s important to address your concerns and have open communication with your partner at all times. This involves speaking frankly about any fetish that you have and, thus, it also means figuring out how to talk to your partner about your kinks.
Creating a safe space for you to speak openly, ask questions, and discuss what it means to the future of your relationship is the sex-positive attitude that every couple should be adopting. It is only once you have a conversation that you can then talk about implementing (or not!) kinky sex into your lives.
Are you into kinky sex? How would you talk to your partner about your sexual fetishes and fantasies? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
