Fetish Friday: BDSM
Kinks are ‘non-conventional’ fantasies a person may have or practise, while a fetish describes the object of their sexual fantasies. This could be a living being or an inanimate object. When looking at either definition, they are both typically viewed as taboo.
Luckily, our world has become increasingly sex-positive over the years, meaning that many fetishes and kinks are considered ‘mainstream.’ However, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person may subscribe to is necessarily understood by the modern populace. Often, there are many different subcultures branching out from a single fetish or kink, which can thus leave outsiders unsure of what it actually entails.
This Friday, we’ve decided to delve into the topic of BDSM to help break down the walls of confusion and apprehension. We hope that it will give you a clearer idea of what it’s like to experience this kink, as well as what someone who takes part in it is into.
What is BDSM?
An acronym for three groups — bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism — BDSM goes beyond what you read about in Fifty Shades of Grey. Bondage and discipline refer to physically restraining your partner while inflicting punishment or pain, or causing humiliation. Dominance and submission constitute one person being in control of a compliant partner, who does and says whatever they are told (in the form of behaviours, rituals, and customs). Lastly, sadism and masochism refer to the pleasures initiated by pain, with the former describing the joy of inflicting suffering and the latter describing relishing in experiencing the pain itself.
Though someone into this kink can enjoy all three groupings, it doesn’t mean that they are necessarily into each one. As well, there are varying degrees of intensity to take into consideration.
Common misconceptions
BDSM is a complicated enigma, one that has often been misconstrued and misrepresented in mainstream media. It isn’t just a particular set of sex positions to get into, nor about holding someone against their will to act violently towards them. True BDSM takes place between two consenting adults who are fully aware of what will occur between them, isn’t something only practised by ‘damaged’ people, doesn’t necessarily require restraints or instrument of punishment, and doesn’t always involve sex.
How to talk about it with your partner
As always, mutual consent is essential for any sexual activity, including the introduction of kinks into you and your partner’s sex life. Be open with them about your interest in BDSM, outlining which aspects you are most intrigued by and which you would like to try. Be clear on what you would expect, should they agree to it. Who will take on the dominant (“dom”) role and submissive (“sub”) role? What will your safe word be (this is an agreed-upon word to signal an end to any BDSM activity)?
Should your partner be on board with it, take things slowly and work your way up in intensity as you feel more comfortable.
Things to try
People new to the world of BDSM might want to take things slowly at first, opting for hair pulling, sex positions that utilize light restraints (like a scarf), gentle biting, or role playing with dominant and submissive roles. As you become more comfortable with these practises and want to take things up a notch, try spanking, dripping candle wax onto the other’s skin, using rope, and teasing your partner by not allowing them to cum.
Are there risks to consider?
As can be expected, you must be aware of the possibility of spreading or contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and of pregnancy (if that is a concern to either partner). To avoid this, practise safe sex by using protection and exploring all of your birth control options.
Because BDSM involves physical restraints and the infliction of pain, make sure that you have a safe word. This is critical, should either partner feel uncomfortable and want to stop the erotic practices immediately.
How can I learn more?
Are you looking for more ideas within the world of BDSM? Whether you want to learn more about this kink, to watch related videos (this is a great way to get a taste of what it’s like before trying it out yourself), or would like talk about it with other people about it, you should! There are countless blogs, chat rooms, and threads online that you can access, which touch on everything from sex positions to which products are best to use.
There you have it: a deeper understanding of what BDSM is. We hope that after reading this article, the next time the topic of such sex scenarios comes up in conversation, you feel more confident to speak about it. Whether it’s learning more about the fetish from someone who enjoys it first-hand, or educating another person closed off to the idea of what it actually entails, we feel like we’ve done our job to make the world a more sexually inclusive place.
Have you tried bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, or sadism and masochism before? Is BDSM something that you would be willing to try? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
