Love and Mental Health: How to Maintain Both
Despite what some may think, being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness does not have to be a burden. With a better understanding of how mental illness affects relationships, having an open mind, and being a support to your partner, love and mental health do not have to be separated and unable to co-exist.
Unsure how you can strengthen your sense of mental health awareness and help your partner (or yourself) through difficult times? Try these suggestions below.
Ask them how they feel
Open up communication with your partner by asking them how they feel. Allow them to speak candidly to you, never telling your significant other that their feelings are stupid or unwarranted. At times, it may be difficult to understand the mindset of someone with a mental illness, whether they are experiencing a period of anxiety or depression or have a disorder such as schizophrenia or borderline personality (or anything else). Regardless of what they feel or why they are feeling it, a large part of mental health awareness is never to invalidate someone’s feelings.
Suggest seeing a therapist
Part of coping with a spouse with mental illness, or even someone you have been dating, means that you must accept that you can’t ‘fix’ the problems on your own. Suggest that they visit a therapist, whether it’s online or in-person, in a one-on-one or group environment. Therapy is an incredible way to help someone introspect and build (or rebuild) the coping skills needed in daily life. If the thought makes them nervous, offer to join in on their first few sessions until they feel comfortable, or even going to see a therapist yourself either alone or in couples counselling.
Educate yourself
If you’re intent on gaining more mental health awareness, educating yourself is a must. It’s easy to have your perceptions of mental illness influenced and swayed by external ‘authorities’ like the media, or even your friends and family. However, choosing to get your information from reputable sources like a psychotherapist, physician, or organizations like the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) can be enlightening. In doing this, you will have a deeper understanding of what it is that your partner is going through and as a result, will be able to provide them with better support.
Respect boundaries
In being as empathetic as possible to your significant other, you should also be respecting any boundaries that they request. This may be that they don’t give consent to having sex for a while, that they want to be left alone throughout the day, or even that they want to sleep in another room from you. Being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness means understanding that this is not anything against you, but rather something necessary to your partner while they work through a mentally and emotionally challenging time.
Encourage healthy habits
Mental illnesses are often accompanied by telltale signs that are indicative of the person’s current feelings. This can take on many forms, including under or oversleeping, under- or overeating, not wanting to leave the house, and an unwillingness to see friends. Of course, it’s not limited to just these things, but rather, can also consist of a variety of other indicators.
This is where love and mental health need to be better understood to avoid becoming an enabler. Do not encourage harmful behaviours in fear of upsetting your partner. Instead, help them establish and maintain healthy habits to improve their mental state. With effort, this can be one of the positive ways of how mental illness affects relationships!
Keep an eye on them
It doesn’t matter if you are coping with a spouse with mental illness, who lives in the same home as you, or are helping a partner you do not share a living space with, you can still keep an eye on them. Watch out for behavioural changes, including their involvement in regular daily activities or the way that they communicate (whether face-to-face, over the phone, or via text message). Shifts in their typical behaviour can be a sign that their mental health may also be changing.
Take care of yourself
Being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness does not mean that you must exert all of your love, attention, and energy into your significant other. By practicing self-love and self-care — including eating healthy, working out, sleeping well, and not giving up your favourite pastimes — you are maintaining your mental health. Though you may feel that giving up these things are essential to the improvement of your partner’s mentality, the opposite will happen; instead, by feeling low and unhappy yourself, you will not be at your best to help support your significant other.
Though we often hear about how mental illness affects relationships, we typically don't learn how to bring couples together. Solidarity, a unified support system, and strengthened love and intimacy can help solidify a bond.
As explained above, being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness does not have to feel burdensome. Whether you are dating someone who is struggling, are coping with a spouse with mental illness, or are experiencing this battle yourself, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you agree that love and mental health can co-exist? Is spreading mental health awareness important to you? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
