Should We Move in Together? 9 Signs You’re Ready for the Next Step
There’s no denying that moving in together with your partner can be a leap of faith, one which can be the ideal step for you both, or a recipe for disaster. Like any major progression in a relationship, deciding when to move in with your partner requires a great deal of consideration and planning, to ensure that the transition to a shared life goes smoothly and has positive results.
So, should we move in together? Let’s start by moving through this checklist before you come to a conclusion.
You’ve practiced cohabitation in the past
Before you commit to moving in with your partner, you want to know that you can handle sharing a space. Whether you’ve shared living quarters while on vacation or have stayed at each other’s homes for a week or two at a time, having a practice run is essential to deciding if you should move in together. After all, if you can’t handle a couple of weeks, how would you handle full-time cohabitation?
You’re not rushing into moving in together
Deciding to cohabitate with your partner should be because you both want to live together. Feeling the pressure from external forces — your friends moving in with their significant others, your parents bugging you about taking the next step — should be put from your mind. Ultimately, you will have to be sharing your home, so you must be equally on board with the situation.
You're able to support yourself financially
Before you answer that looming question of “should we move in together?”, you need to ensure that you can support yourself financially while living on your own. This is particularly true if you come from a situation with minimal to no bills and are seeking to live more independently.
Now is also the time to speak to your partner about your shared finances, discussing how you will share expenses, and deciding on the miscellaneous items you’ll be allocating extra spending money to. There should be no financial secrets.
You feel that you can trust your partner
Developing a genuine trust for your partner goes beyond an innate sexual attraction; it’s that sense of intimacy without sex. Before moving in together, ask yourself if your significant other is somebody you can picture yourself with for the long haul, who you can trust and rely on, who will be honest emotionally and financially.
You’ve already survived a big argument
A crucial tenet of cohabitation is your ability to get along with one another and — when the going gets tough — to resolve things fairly and respectfully. Be sure that you are both in agreement to avoid ignoring relationship problems, preferably having survived a big ‘blow up’ in the past in a healthy way.
If you’re hoping to stay together for the long-term, you may also want to consider the option of regular couples therapy to have a better relationship.
You’ve had the hard conversations
In any serious relationship, there are going to be some necessary difficult conversations. You’ll have had them in the best-case scenario, before you decide when to move in with your partner. This includes your daily routine, like splitting chores and responsibilities, and personal development, like working together to maintain mutual love and mental health.
You’re confident that you can remain independent
Although moving in with your partner can be a positive step in terms of deepening your bond, having your significant other in constant proximity to you can dampen your sense of independence. To avoid this, regularly set aside time for yourself to practice self-care, whether it’s a solo coffee date at your favourite local café or taking a solo bath while playing your favourite music.
You’ve talked about the future
In the weeks and months before moving in together, you should have a good idea of the direction in which your relationship is heading. Getting on the same page about what you expect from one another is necessary to make the partnership work and for neither person to feel betrayed or uncertain. Are you hoping to stay common law? Is marriage on the table, down the road? Talk about your options.
You have a way out (if necessary)
Though the possibility could be a tough pill to swallow, when moving in with your partner, there’s always the possibility of breaking up with someone. If this is the unfortunate situation that you and your significant other are faced with, you need to discuss your exit strategy. If you’re renting, who will take over the lease? If you’ve purchased a home together, who will buy out the other owner?
Deciding when to move in with your partner will differ from couple to couple, depending at where they are at in their relationship. By reflecting on your finances, level of trust in one another, and history of how you handled prolonged situations of being together, you should be able to better answer that weighty question of, “Should we move in together?”
What are your thoughts on cohabitation? Would you consider moving in with your partner right now? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
