Breaking up With Someone When Love Just Isn’t Enough
More often than not, breaking up with someone isn’t easy. Whether it’s someone you’ve been with for months or years, the idea of causing someone heartbreak is something most of us would rather avoid.
Determining how to break up with someone without hurting them (as well as getting over a breakup yourself) is especially important when they still hold an important place in your heart. Loving someone who isn’t right for you can be difficult, with the breakup process making the situation even more upsetting.
In an effort to alleviate some of the associated stresses, we’ve compiled a list of how to break up with someone nicely, with the most critical things to consider.
Loving someone who isn’t right for you is not uncommon
It may come as a surprise, but breaking up with someone who loves you isn’t as rare as you may think. Though the media often depicts breakups as disastrous blow-ups, this isn’t always the case. Many people go their separate ways on good terms.
Loving someone who isn’t right for you can happen, especially when it quite literally is an “it’s not you, it’s me” situation. Unfortunately, even when there are deeply rooted feelings and an emotional connection with someone, sometimes a romantic relationship simply cannot survive and separating is in everyone’s best interest.
Think about the reasons to break up with someone you love
When you have concluded that you want to break up with someone without hurting them, it’s likely because you have a number of reasons. Whether these reasons are internal (for example, worrying about the repercussions of an office romance) or external (for instance, your friends and family pressuring you to break up with them), stop and think about it.
Are the problems make-or-break? If not, maybe a breakup isn’t necessary for the time being.
If the problems can be resolved, try to do so
You’ve come to the point where you recognize that you are ‘trapped’ loving someone who doesn’t seem right for you. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that separating is inevitable; in fact, many problems can be resolved. Try to talk things out and express your discontent with one another. If possible, go to couples therapy.
This allows for an opening line of communication, where partners can attempt to resolve issues impacting them and improve their romantic relationship. Counselling helps to offer a different perspective while allowing you to grow as individuals and address your unique emotional and physical needs.
If these avenues do not work, and you can’t work towards a better relationship (especially if it has been over a year), the time may come to break up with someone nicely.
Don’t feel an obligation to stay with someone
Breaking up with someone who loves you should not be avoided because of a sense of responsibility that you feel towards them, nor because you are afraid of stepping outside of your comfort zone. This includes staying with someone just because you don’t want to sleep with someone new or have to come up with exciting, unique date ideas for a future partner.
It also means not feeling that you have to stay with someone due to their mental health, because they tell you they’ll never find someone new, nor because they’ve said that they’ll “be a better person” for the umpteenth time.
If there are signs of abuse, don’t ignore them
Loving someone who isn’t right for you does not make you a bad person, even if the individual that you have immense feelings for has looped you into an abusive relationship. Whether the abuse is physical (anything from hitting and kicking to forcing themself on you without consent) or verbal (emotional), know that you deserve better. You can and you will find someone who will treat you right.
This is not a situation where you need to feel obligated to break up with someone nicely. Instead, your safety is of the utmost importance; ensure that you are removed from the situation without harm, regardless of your ex-partner’s feelings.
Know you don’t have to go through the breakup alone
Breakups are painful, and it’s never shameful to turn to your network of trusted people to support you during this tough time. Loved ones can help keep tabs on you to make sure that you are coping in the best way possible. By being made aware of the circumstances, they can ensure that you are healthy and on the road back to happiness as quickly as possible.
Though it’s okay to be sad and mope around for some time, it’s also critical that you once again actively take the reins on your life by going out and doing the things that you love.
Put simply, breaking up with someone who loves you (or who you still love) is not going to be easy. This holds whether you see each other daily or are in a long-distance relationship. However, doing what you can to break up with someone without hurting them is a thoughtful step towards ending a relationship that would not have worked out, in a respectful way.
At the end of the day, there will always be complicated emotions, but by understanding the reasons to break up with someone you love, you’ll make a decision that is best for all down the road.
What are some reasons to break up with someone you love? How would you break up with someone nicely? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
