How to Get Over a Breakup and Move Forward
Typically, getting over a breakup isn’t easy. We find ourselves crying and feeling sad for ourselves while listening to sad songs, reading breakup quotes, and looking at old pictures of us with our ex. Though it’s natural to feel this deep sense of grief, it’s important to learn how to get over a breakup by dealing with it effectively.
To help you — or someone that you care about — make it through this difficult time, we’ve compiled a list of 10 ways to move forward after the end of a relationship, including how to deal with a breakup when you still love them.
Stop texting your ex
Take a moment to reflect on why you want to reach out to them, but also think about how it can negatively affect your mindset and ability to move forward. Whether it’s to seek closure, gain insight into their current romantic situation, or simply to let them know that you’re missing them, conversation — even if ‘just’ over text message — hinders your growth. By keeping a line of communication open, you are creating an opportunity for deeper heartbreak, potentially awkward situations, and remaining stagnant in your ability to heal.
If there’s still a lingering sense of affection, this can be one of the most challenging ways of learning how to deal with a breakup when you still love them. However, it makes this first step that much more important to stand by.
Come to terms with a potential lack of closure
As a society, we are often told to seek closure when faced with any terrible situation. This is because closure is associated with recovery. However, not every situation offers a sense of closure, so moving forward with less-than-favourable instances (such as a breakup) should not rely too heavily on this step. Lack of closure can make things difficult, as getting over a breakup often feels more natural when it seems as though there aren’t any loose ends needing to be tied.
Thankfully, you can give yourself closure. By coming to terms with the fact that not all relationships are meant to last, that feeling an array of emotions in the days, weeks, and even months post-breakup is normal, and letting go of ill-will that you may be bottling up inside of you, you can close this chapter of your book. You can heal.
Don’t put your ex on a pedestal
When a relationship comes to an end, we’re not likely to look at it objectively. Just as the adage of “love is blind” proclaims, we continue to stumble around blindly even after a breakup. We’re more likely to remember the good times we shared with our partner than the bad moments, sometimes even exaggerating the positive aspects of the relationship so substantially that we are tricked into believing that it was way better than it ever was.
Thus, you may want to know how to deal with a breakup when you still love them, especially when it comes to perceiving your ex in an unbiased manner. Steering clear from focusing on all the good times is difficult — trust us, we know from personal experience — but it’s one of the most hindering things you can do post-breakup.
Take a break from social media
Get off of social media. First things first: it can sometimes seem impossible to fight the urge to scroll through previous posts featuring you and your ex. Social media is also a place to be bombarded with images of their friends and family, making the recovery process all the more painful.
Want to know how to get over a breakup?
Instead, stay connected with your close circle with text messages and phone calls. Besides, a quick Google search will give you all the puppy and kitten photos you need to mend your heart and bring a smile to your face... no Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook necessary!
Understand that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, and hurt
Though we previously advised not to brood on sad things (like breakup quotes, music, or movies) during an already difficult time, emotions experienced need to be acknowledged before you can move on. By brushing off how you feel, you’re preventing yourself from working through it. In turn, this will detrimentally affect your mental — and in some cases, even your physical — health.
Particularly when learning how to deal with a breakup when you still love them, addressing your reasons for lingering attachment is mandatory. In recognizing the roots source of any negative emotions, you can work through them either internally or through conversation with others. At the end of the day, remember that there are no ‘wrong’ emotions to experience.
Be open with a handful of trusted people
Sometimes, the best remedy for a broken heart is a deep conversation with a trusted friend or family member. By talking things through with someone who cares deeply about you, you can speak openly and honestly about your experiences. Though the advice coming from these chats will likely be biased, they are critical to feeling loved, supported, and boosting your self-worth and self-esteem.
Talking about to a therapist is also an incredible way to work through a breakup, making something that seemed overwhelmingly unmanageable once again feel conquerable. Delving into the relationship itself, the breakup process, and how you are feeling in the aftermath can help you see things more clearly. If you don’t already have a therapist, you can ask your doctor for a referral or find one through a reputable online counselling website.
Do what you can to stay grounded
When discovering how to deal with a breakup, you must find a greater sense of self while you heal. When we are in romantic relationships, we often see ourselves as part of a unit: our partner and us. Now that you have broken up, you have to shift your mentality to exclusively thinking of yourself in a singular sense. And that’s okay!
Ground yourself by practising mindfulness (be aware of your thoughts as they pop into your head), holding on to your true sense of self (the great person that you are as a unique individual), journaling (writing out your thoughts and feelings), and meditating (to re-centre yourself regularly). Though they are all just small things on their own, they work together to build you back up.
Take time to care for yourself
Though acts of self-care are essential to everyone, whether they are single or in a relationship, they are vital to your well-being in the weeks after a romantic split. In fact, we would argue that this is one of the most important ways of how to deal with a breakup! Go to the gym, take a bubble bath, or go for a long walk. Read books that you love (anything from fictional novels to self-help), masturbate, or delete old photos from your social media. Remember the bad things that they did, don’t watch their favourite movie, and throw your ex’s stuff in the trash.
This is the time for you to do what’s best for you, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Get back into the dating game
Putting yourself out there and becoming immersed again in the world of dating can do wonders to boost your confidence and sex positivity, while simultaneously helping with getting over a breakup. The simple act of being introduced to someone new (or even perusing the many faces of a dating app), perhaps even on an out-of-the-box unique date, helps with the realization that there are many other potential romantic partners for you in the world. With nearly eight billion people to choose from, one of them is bound to be a better fit for you than your ex!
Of course, you shouldn’t jump into dating if you don’t yet feel comfortable with it. When you do choose to start seeing other people, keep in mind that the relationships formed, if any, are in your control; they can be casual or platonic, if that’s all that you feel comfortable with. Just be open and honest.
Avoid a rebound
Despite the benefits of going on dates with new and exciting people, don’t feel obligated to jump into a long-term relationship with someone from the get-go (nor to jump into sleeping with someone new). Instead, use this time to find out more about what you want from a future partner. Through dating, you can discover what you do and don’t like about other people and make yourself more aware of potential red flags. Simultaneously, you should be working on yourself by focusing on your well-being and happiness, avoiding fixating on your ex, and feeling comfortable with your singleness.
Take this time to reflect on the reasons why your relationship ended. For issues related to your ex, ensure that you are more aware of these problems cropping up in your next partner. For issues related to yourself, understand why you did or said these things and work on rectifying the root causes. Keep in mind that not every relationship ends because one (or both) partners exhibit toxic behaviour. Sometimes, two people mutually drift apart, and that’s okay!
Though it isn’t always a simple, straight line on the road to recovery, better learning how to get over a breakup is critical to moving forward with your life. You must go beyond the feelings of stewing in sadness, listening to songs about lost love and compiling breakup quotes that only serve to cement the loneliness that you are experiencing. You are more than one part of a romantic relationship and understanding the sage advice above will help you rise above to your full potential. Ultimately, it will also help to grasp a better notion of how to deal with a breakup when you still love them.
Remember: though it may seem bleak now, you will look back on this time and see that striving towards emotional recovery was always in your best interest.
If you’re currently going through a breakup, which of these tips do you think will work best for you? If you’ve gone through a breakup in the past, what did you do to get past the heartache and move forward? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
