Navigating a Friends With Benefits Relationship
The decision to find a fuck buddy is not one that should be taken lightly, whether you decide to have sex with your friend or seek out someone you did not previously know. Along with the development of this non-romantic sexual relationship, there are friends with benefits boundaries that need to be put into place before things start to get physical.
From the expectations you should (and should not) have before getting a fuck buddy, to ending friends with benefits situations, here are 10 things you should be aware of from the get-go before sleeping with someone new.
Expect respect and open communication
Sure, an FWB relationship isn’t to be taken seriously in terms of romance and loyalty, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be speaking honestly and respectfully. Having open communication in a sex-positive way allows both people to have a clear idea of what the other’s ‘friends with benefits rules and guidelines’ are, as well as the ‘rules’ you both have before getting physical.
Try to avoid over-sharing personal information
Think of this person as a boost to your sex life, not as a new confidante to divulge your deepest secrets to. Keep more personal matters to yourself — whether you’re talking about your mom’s birthday party this weekend or your planned vacation with your best friend — save it for your actual friends, not your casual (albeit consistent) hookup.
You don’t have to touch base daily
Having daily communication likely means that you’ll be speaking about the small things that happen in day-to-day life; this can deepen feelings, which is what you’re trying to avoid. Whenever possible, keep text communication solely to set up a time to meet in-person, sexting, or sending nudes.
Don’t tell everyone about them
Keeping your relationship a secret is your best bet, save for one or two people you trust (for safety reasons, so they know where you are at all times). For the most part, close friends and family don’t need to know about your FWB, let alone meet them. The less explaining you have to do, the better it is when you both decide to go your separate ways.
Have (sexual) fun with each other
The whole point of being fuck buddies is to have the comfort of sex with your friend (or at least, someone you can trust), without the commitment. Use this opportunity to try out new sexual adventures, things you might not have otherwise ventured to do in a serious relationship. Whether it’s having a go at sensation play, infantilism, or having a threesome, as long as you’re both consenting, the possibilities are endless.
Stay away from romantic gestures
Don’t expect your FWB to come up with unique date ideas to take you out on; this isn’t that type of relationship. While grabbing a drink every once in a while is totally fine, this ‘connection’ isn’t typically one that involves thoughtfulness, mindful sex, or intimacy.
In fact, keep kissing to a minimum. While it sometimes happens instinctively between the sheets, avoid these romantic gestures whenever possible.
After sex, don’t cuddle
Though it may seem normal to cuddle and dip into pillow talk post-sex, it’s something that should be avoided with a fuck buddy. Get up, go pee, get dressed. If you feel like lingering in the bed for a while, consider doing something that isn’t romantic, like watching porn.
On that note, while it doesn’t allow for morning sex, you definitely should avoid staying the night with them, whether it’s at your place or theirs.
Don’t fall in love
While there have been times when friends with benefits turned into something more, understand that this person can — and likely will — move on. To avoid making it feel like you’re dealing with a breakup (or are breaking up with someone), don’t let yourself ‘catch feelings’ and fall in love. Make a conscious effort to stick to your friends with benefits rules and guidelines, and diminish the chances of heartbreak.
When it stops feeling right, leave
Just as they can decide to move on from you, you can end the friends with benefits situation. Whether you’re bored with the whole thing, find that their respect for you is fading, or discover that they’ve started sleeping with other people (and you’re concerned with avoiding sexually transmitted infections), leave when it no longer feels right.
At the end of the day, setting boundaries with your friends with benefits is crucial to avoid deepening feelings. When the inevitable time comes where either of you move on, it won’t feel like getting over a breakup. Rather, it gives you some experience to either enter into another fuck buddy situation or make it ‘official’ with someone you can devote stronger emotions to.
In the meantime, enjoy it for what it is, take the opportunity to get even better in bed, and don’t over-invest yourself!
Would you ever have sex with your friend or get a fuck buddy? What are some friends with benefits rules and guidelines you would put into place? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
