Keeping Your Relationship a Secret: A How-To Guide
Trust us, we understand the reasoning behind wanting to keep your relationship lowkey (shh… some of us have maintained a secret relationship, ourselves). With benefits of a secret relationship including a greater sense of privacy, less pressure, and time to figure out the direction that you want it to go, it’s no wonder why people opt to keep things discreet.
Whether you’re hoping to be covert about relationships at work or someone you met online — or anything in between — we’re here to tell you everything you need to know about keeping your relationship a secret.
Think about why you want a secret relationship
First and foremost, ask yourself why it is that you want to keep your relationship lowkey. Be sure that you think beyond the benefits of a secret relationship, taking into account the way that it can negatively affect your mood, self-confidence, relationships with others, and even your bond with your significant other in the future.
Discuss the details with your partner
As with anything, there are downfalls and benefits of a secret relationship. Discuss the pros and cons of this with your partner, including how strict you’ll both be about your discretion, who (if anyone) can find out about it, and for how long the secretive behaviour will last.
It’s essential to be transparent to avoid any hiccups, disagreements, or misunderstandings down the road.
Evade questions about relationships at work
Relationships at work can be tough, especially when your co-workers decide to get into your business (be it well-meaning or not). In cases like these, a secret relationship is often necessary, at least while at the office.
Avoid drawing attention to yourselves by using pet names or treating each other as you would any other co-worker (although, being friendlier than you would be with a mere acquaintance is acceptable). As well, don’t go out of your way to help them with their workload.
Be discreet with their contact name
As you can probably guess, putting them in your phone as “babe,” “love,” or any other obvious pet name is unwise. Just like “So-and-so from Tinder” is a red flag to anyone who happens to glance at your phone screen. However, even putting their first or last name can raise alarm bells to some, mainly if they know the person you’re secretly dating.
Instead, pick something simple, like the initial of their name. On the off-chance that anyone asks, you can say that it’s someone else you know, with the same initial. Next time “T’s” name pops up on your phone, you can let the curious questioner know that it’s just Tina or Tony, your long-time friend.
Don’t tell your family
For some people, keeping your relationship a secret from your family can be particularly tricky. Whether it’s because you have a close relationship with them, they tend to pry, or both, you need to stand your ground.
Avoid the topic of relationships altogether and if it comes up, don’t be afraid to tell a white lie or discreetly divert the topic of conversation.
Keep details to a minimum with friends
Sometimes, we can’t help but want to tell our friends some of the more intimate details of our lives. However, if you’re hoping to keep your relationship low-key, you’ll need to avoid this. Keep conversations about your partner to a minimum, and avoid mentioning their name, details about their appearance, or even their age.
Have excuses ready for meetups
Keeping your relationship a secret means that you can’t bring them on outings with your friends, nor do you go to get-togethers with them. To avoid suspicion from those closest to you both, have a variety of excuses in your back pocket, which can be used at times like these. Be sure that they are believable and not out of the ordinary, referencing things that you actually do.
Don’t share photos of you together
Of course, the more photos you post with someone to the online world, the more attention you will draw to yourself as a unit. If you’re keeping your relationship a secret, you want to avoid people associating you with your significant other. Therefore, letting the world know how often you are together is a no-no.
Avoid PDA when out and about
If you see two people walking in public side-by-side, chances are, you won’t immediately jump to the conclusion that they’re romantically involved. However, if they’re holding hands or kissing, your perspective will likely shift.
To stay inconspicuous, avoid any public displays of affection. On the off chance that you bump into someone that either of you know, you can introduce your partner as a friend, or avoid talking about them at all.
Remember to stay safe
Ultimately, you must think about your safety, even if it means breaking your relationship’s secrecy to some degree. At the very least — especially during the early stages of the relationship — tell someone you trust where you will be meeting your date and roughly for how long you’ll be together. If you decide to go back to their place afterwards, or to bring them back to yours, let that person know that plans have changed.
It doesn’t matter if it’s someone you’ve never met or one of your relationships at work. Safety first!
By thinking about the tips above, keeping your relationship a secret will be easier than you initially thought. It doesn’t matter if you’re keeping quiet about relationships at work or someone outside of the office; what matters is that you and your significant other are both comfortable with things before announcing your partnership to the world — or, at least, the people that you’re closest with.
Would you ever keep your relationship lowkey? What do you think would be the benefits of a secret relationship, if any? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
