Handling Your Office Romance
Do work relationships last? Are they ever worth pursuing?
Workplace relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. In fact, dating a co-worker can create a shift in your workplace dynamic not just with your partner, but possibly also with others in the shared environment. Whenever an office romance is initiated — a connection that goes beyond your other meaningful work relationships — there are plenty of things to be considered.
From figuring out whether it’s a fireable offence within the company to learning how to handle the day to day (including whether or not you should tell your co-workers), we’ve got you covered in today’s article.
Know your company’s policies on workplace relationships
Before beginning a relationship with a colleague, it’s vital to delve into your company’s policies regarding dating co-workers. Many businesses have strict rules against any romantic relationships between their employees or, if allowed, require you to sign a contract with your human resources department. You’ll likely be instructed to inform managers (or even co-workers) and follow other guidelines or rules that are in place. Thus, it’s not a good idea to get into a friends with benefits relationship with a co-worker; a sexual connection should typically only be pursued if you are both going to be serious about it. Casual workplace relationships generally are not worth the investment of time and energy in company bureaucracy.
Of course, you don’t have to report your relationship right away — especially not after the first date or two — but as things begin to feel more serious, you need to consider the direction that it will go.
Ultimately, the final decision as to whether to enter a relationship is up to you and your partner, be it casual or serious. This includes the decision of dating someone of higher or lower rank than you in the company hierarchy (which typically, is not allowed), keeping your relationship a secret or not, and going against any company policies prohibiting office romances. However, keep in mind that if your blossoming love could be an issue, you run the risk of being fired from your position and having to seek employment elsewhere.
Establish some ground rules before committing
Though jumping into an office romance may be tempting, it’s best to pause a moment to talk to your potential partner about what you’ll have to do in order for the relationship to be a successful one. Though this is important with any new relationship, it’s critical to people who are co-workers because a lot of your discretion and continued professionalism relies on being on the same page. This isn’t just about deciding if you should risk the thrill of having sex in public in the copying room during your workday (though deciding on things like that are also useful to talk about).
Other questions to explore with each other include:
Are we absolutely sure that this is a workplace relationship we want to pursue going forward?
If company policy does not allow for an office romance, are we willing to continue dating despite the risk of losing our jobs?
Will we keep our relationship a secret? Who, if anyone, should know that we are dating?
If we are keeping our relationship discreet, how will we ensure that nobody at work finds out about it?
What will we do to make sure we stay professional while on the job?
How can we make sure that our feelings for one another do not interfere with our quality of work?
Will we share breaks?
Will we arrive and leave work together or separately?
How would we handle a potential breakup down the road? (More on this below)
Things may get weird once you’re ‘official’
It isn’t uncommon for things to start feeling odd with your significant other around the office, especially once you decide to slap on the label of being ‘officially’ together.
When you start to overthink about how to behave calm and unbothered around your partner when co-workers are around, you can unintentionally appear to have become more awkward than ‘normal.’ This may manifest as actively avoiding eye contact when you walk past each other’s cubicles, or the opposite: smiling like crazed lovebirds each time either of you pass by. The sexual tensions building up to the moment you finally act on your impulses can also become evident to the people around you, which may blow your cover if you’re trying to be discreet.
When you hit the milestone of having sex, that awkwardness can become exacerbated. Your mind may become consumed with thoughts of people discovering your romance, of guessing that you are sleeping together, and even of being slut-shamed. Your best bet — and a sure way to foster peace of mind, leading to a better relationship — is to stop stressing. Do your best to act in whatever manner you would regularly, treat each other in a professional and friendly way, and don’t overthink the situation at hand.
At the end of the day, most of the people you work with are going to be wholly absorbed in their own world and worrying about whatever tasks they have at hand. They’re reluctantly counting down the minutes until their lunch break ends, and they have to get back to the grind. They’re likely not concerning themselves with whether so-and-so are hooking up behind closed doors.
Acknowledge that people may find out
If you’re worried that anyone in your workspace will find out about your office romance and feel that it will be detrimental to you and your partner, it’s probably for the best that you do not pursue the relationship. When it comes to dating, nothing is ever guaranteed, whether you work with your partner or not. Thus, as your relationship continues to flourish and the two of you feel a deepening connection, you may be unintentionally dropping hints to your co-workers; sending not-so-discreet text messages throughout the day (especially if you are caught sexting), grazing each other in the halls, or flirting openly with one another.
On days when you come to work after an argument or disagreement, people around you may notice an unexplained tension or annoyance between you until it is resolved. As well, should you eventually decide on moving in together, things will become even more apparent. Mainly, when you begin showing up to work together every morning or are spotted getting into the same car in the parking lot after each workday.
As long as your employer does not have a strict policy against workplace relationships, it’s best to be open about your romance. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it with your co-workers, at least bring it to your boss or manager’s attention. This way, should anything be brought up to them, they will not be unaware of the situation that is at hand. Regardless, be sure to stay as professional as possible and be aware of how you both speak and act towards one another.
Talk about how you’ll handle a potential breakup
Do work relationships last? Like any romance, the fact is, they don’t always end with a ‘happily ever after.’
Though it may now seem like a match made in heaven, there is always the possibility of eventually deciding on breaking up with someone. Whether it’s you or your partner who pulls the plug on the relationship, the fact remains that you will likely continue working in the same space and will consequently have to come to terms with a tense situation.
Dealing with a breakup is already tricky, without having to see your ex on a near-daily basis. To avoid being thrown into such a situation without an idea of how it will unfold, be open with one another about how you would handle it. Will you attempt to continue to foster meaningful work relationships with one another? Will one (or both) of you try to move departments, or to find another job entirely? If you feel that either of you cannot maintain a professional relationship going forward, it will be for the best that one of you take the step to separate your careers and personal lives by seeking employment elsewhere.
If you both remain as co-workers, be sure to act civilly towards one another while on the job, even if the breakup was a messy one. Failure to do so can cause tension and unnecessary drama in the office amongst others you work with and can negatively affect the policies that your company has in place for workplace relationships.
With so many meaningful work relationships that can be had in an office space (or whatever work environment you are in), the consideration of dating a co-worker is not uncommon. Despite workplace relationships not being a rare occurrence, a number of things a couple must still consider before making things ‘official’ go beyond simply staying professional while on the job.
By keeping in mind the points above, dating a co-worker doesn’t have to be stressful. In fact, it may just be the best decision you made, by fostering a connection with what could be a life-long partner.
Would you ever pursue an office romance? In your opinion, do work relationships last? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
