Why Mindful Sex Is the Most Intimate Sex
When you think about mindfulness — consciously and purposefully bringing yourself to focus on the present — you often associate it with a clear headspace, sense of peace, and deepened awareness of bodily sensations. This makes perfect sense, as that’s exactly what mindfulness entails! Using these techniques to foster mindful intimacy (and thus, mindful sex) with your partner can help you learn how to explore your partner’s body more physically and emotionally. As a result, your connection will further develop, and your relationship will strengthen.
But how do you achieve mindfulness in the bedroom?
Avoid catastrophic thoughts
Having mindful sex does not mean that you have to entirely push away or eliminate your worrying thoughts. Instead, you can learn to accept them for what they are and place them out of your mind during the time that you are intimate with your partner.
If you frequently find yourself riddled with feelings of how you don’t love your body, practice self-love during these moments in bed. If you’re stressed about the fact that you’re unsure of how to eat a pussy (perform cunnilingus) or how to give a blowjob, do some research beforehand and when you’re together with your significant other, just enjoy the moment for what it is without overthinking. Stressed about avoiding sexually transmitted infections (STIs)? Talk about going to get tested together, so that future sexual encounters are not plagued with ideas of potential disease.
Focus on the ‘here and now’
Connect. Achieve mindful intimacy by not allowing yourself to worry about the other things going on in your life. This means staying in your body and not your mind, putting your heart and soul into the present moment.
Stop thinking about what’s going on in the office at work, stop worrying about whether or not you and your partner should make things ‘official,’ stop stressing about moving in together. These are all things that you can let trickle into your mind at a later time. For now, focus on each other, on your bodies, and on the sex.
Everything else can — and will — wait for you.
No goals, no fantasies
Though playing out your kinks, fetishes, and fantasies are thrilling and certainly have their time and place, they don’t mesh well with mindful sex as they typically act as a distraction. This isn’t to say that couples who regularly incorporate these elements into their sexual routine lack intimacy or do not have the capacity for mindfulness. It simply means that there is a time and place for each and that they must decide what they are hoping for during a given sexual encounter.
That is, instead of filling your mind with thoughts about these factors, fantasize about the present sensations elicited by your significant other.
Don’t forget about your partner
If you’re hoping to boost your sex life, your significant other must be considered. During mindful intimacy, focus on physical sensations both while learning about yourself, as well as how to explore your partner’s body.
Whether through foreplay or penetrative sex (vaginally or anally), be attentive to how your partner reacts to particular touches, or how they respond to the movements of your body against theirs. Humans give away clues as to how they are feeling — both positively and negatively — through physical responses. Pay attention to the speed of their breathing, the tension (or lack thereof) in their body, the noises they make, and the feel of their heartbeat against your skin.
Take it outside of the bedroom
These intimacy exercises extend beyond the physical act of having sex. In fact, we’re firm believers that you can build and strengthen your sense of intimacy without sex.
Take five or ten minutes each night to meditate and clear your mind of stressful thoughts, try your hand at different breathing techniques, or actively release any tension in your body by relaxing the muscles in your neck and shoulders. Though every waking moment does not have to be spent mindfully, the more you make yourself aware of the ‘here and now,’ the better it is for you.
While mindful sex is the ultimate goal here, remember that maintaining a sense of mindfulness has to continue beyond your bedroom’s walls.
With a deeper understanding of how to practice mindful sex, learning and implementing intimacy exercises will only strengthen your relationship with your partner. A cleared headspace, calmness, and heightened awareness of your bodily sensations can quickly make sex become your favourite time (or times!) of the day.
Do you think that mindfulness is essential when learning how to explore your partner’s body? What are some intimacy exercises you practise with your partner? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
