Seeing Other People? Here’s How to Navigate an Open Relationship
Navigating a polyamorous partnership can be tough. When it comes to deciding how to open your relationship to other people or even why you should have an open relationship with your significant other, it’s easy for both partners to experience uncertainty, jealousy, or outright concern. However, consensual non-monogamy can work, once everyone is on board.
If you’re concerned about the reasons why open relationships fail, or are currently struggling with an open relationship, here are six things to think about to get your primary partnership back on track.
Be open about your thoughts and concerns
Before branching off from your main relationship, you need to speak openly with your partner about what can be expected once you decide how to open your relationship. In doing this, emotional and physical boundaries will need to be set, that you must both respect. It would be best if you also were open to the reasons why you want an open relationship. Do you have a kink or fetish (like infantilism or food play) that your partner isn’t into? Do you have mismatched libidos? Talk about it!
Ask yourselves: Who can you hook up with and is it okay for deeper relationships develop (that is, are only hookups okay, or ongoing meetups)? Is sexting and sending nudes allowed? How about participating in group sex? Is having sex with someone with an STI acceptable, if proper precautions are taken? If things get intense with someone, will you end it?
Though these things can — and likely will — change, it’s crucial to have a solid foundation of what to expect before moving forward.
Love yourself
Even when you are seeing other people yourself, the thought of your significant other sleeping with someone new or developing a relationship with another person can seem daunting. Thus, it becomes critical to practise self-love at every possible moment, including reminders to love yourself exactly as you are.
Yes, your partner might be sleeping with someone else, but you are still their main priority and love interest.
Decide if you’ll talk about your other relationships
We suggest not keeping your relationships a secret from your partner, as honesty is the best policy. That said, talk to your significant other about their expectations on hearing about the people you’re meeting up with, whether they are long-term commitments, short-term, or casual hookups. Also, the decision of whether or not you’ll introduce your partner to the people you are developing relationships with should be addressed.
This means that you must also be clear with the other parties that they are not your primary relationship and, thus, should not expect particular emotional (and sometimes physical) needs to be met by you.
Allocate a set time for your alternate partner(s)
Polyamory can become a significant aspect of your life. Because of this, it’s important not to let it interfere with your main relationship with your significant other.
Whether they’re one-off hookups to boost your sex life, a casual friends with benefits relationship, or something a little bit more committal, it’s important that you designate a specific amount of time for these other relationships, that you do not exceed (to avoid overstepping boundaries and fostering deeper emotions).
Check-in and spend time with your significant other
Every so often, remind your partner that they are enough and that they are your main priority. What’s more, show it to them through your everyday actions. One of the reasons why open relationships fail is that people cannot maintain passion in their long-term relationship. Counteract this and have a better relationship with your significant other by regularly expressing your love and learning how to have better conversations with them.
Be completely open about your feelings
Part of having a sex-positive attitude, especially when in an open relationship, means not shaming your partner for how they feel — including their feelings of jealousy. If either you or your significant other are struggling with an open relationship, don’t use it as a weapon against them; instead, consider taking a mutual break from seeing other people for a while or attending couples therapy together.
While there are many reasons why open relationships fail, there are also a plethora of reasons why monogamous relationship don’t work out, either. When it comes to deciding how to open your relationship or even why you should have an open relationship, communication is vital. Honesty, continuing expressions of affections, and prioritizing the important elements of your life are essential to making this endeavour a successful one.
Are you struggling with an open relationship? Would you ever consider polyamory? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
