The word kink is used to describe the ‘non-conventional’ practises a person takes part in or the fantasies that they have. Fetish explains the object of their sexual fantasies, whether it’s a living being or an inanimate object. When considering these two definitions, both are often perceived as off-limits, from the viewpoint of prescribed societal norms.

Fortunately, the world has become increasingly sex-positive over the years and, consequently, many fetishes and kinks are now considered ‘normal.’ Yet, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person has is always understood, thanks to varying subcultures that often branch from a single fetish or kink. This can leave outsiders uncertain of what it actually involves.

Today, we’re delving into the topic of threesomes to help eliminate the misperceptions and uncertainties surrounding the topic. We hope that it will give you a better idea of what it’s like to experience this fetish and what someone who takes part in it is into.

What are threesomes?

A threesome — also known as a threeway — is when three people have sex or engage in sexual activities together. This can be anything from penetrative sex to masturbation (manually or with a sex toy), though it typically involves the former.

Common misconceptions

Think you know everything about threesomes? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Either way, these are some things to keep in mind:

It won’t necessarily be easy to find a third person to join you
Likewise, if you’re a single person, you may not easily find a couple that you click with
You can be straight and still be into having a threeway
Unplanned threesomes can be fun, too
Foreplay is still important for everyone involved
It might not go as well as you had hoped

How to talk about it with your partner

You first have to talk to your partner about your kinks before figuring out how to have a threesome.

The key is to be upfront about your expectations and boundaries from the get-go. Will the interaction be a one-off thing? Will it involve your shared kinks and fetishes, like BDSM or role-playing? How far are you willing to let the third person go with yourself or with your significant other (for example, only oral sex, like blowjobs or cunnilingus)?

Things to try

Curious about what positions you can get into during a threesome? Try out one of these sex positions:

Penis-penis-vagina. Lying on their back with their legs in the air, both the vagina and anus can be penetrated simultaneously. One person can straddle overtop the stomach to reach the pussy, while the third person can prop up the hips and enter the bum from behind.

Penis-penis-penis. Position yourselves in a line, one in front of the other. The person at the front lies on the bed with their legs spread while the individual in the middle sucks on the penis. From behind, the third person anally penetrates the one giving the blowjob.

Vagina-vagina-penis. While receiving a blow- or handjob from one person, you can give oral sex to the third party.

Vagina-vagina-vagina. While riding a suction cup dildo, both free hands can be used to finger or clitorally stimulate the other two participants (or clitorally stimulate one while eating out the other).

Are there risks to consider?

Though non-penetrative sex with a penis and vagina does not necessarily warrant the need for birth control options, any sexual encounter warrants some form of protection to avoid sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Whether you and your two partners are opting for anal sex, oral — any contact involving regions of the body that could potentially be infected — always practise safe sex.

How can I learn more?

Curious about how to have a threesome successfully? That’s one of the benefits of watching porn! By exploring ethically made pornography, you can determine the best ways to tackle a threeway, regardless of who is involved in the fun. Not only will it give you ideas on what to do, but you will become increasingly comfortable with handling the situation by seeing it played out time and time again with different ‘throuples.’

You may also want to consider talking about it with friends who have engaged in a threesome before or researching the topic more online in forums and chatrooms.

We hope that you now have a deeper understanding of what having a threesome is and what it entails. Should the topic come up in future conversations, you will feel more open to speaking about it confidently and knowledgeably. Whether it’s understanding the fetish from someone who engages in it themselves or educating another person who may be closed off to the idea of it, we feel that we have done our job to help make the world a more sexually inclusive place.

Have you had a threeway before? Is having a threesome something that you would be willing to try? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

Fetish Friday: The Threesome