Sex After Kids: How to Bring the Spark Back
Prioritizing sex after birth — or even after having kids that have grown up a bit — doesn’t always come naturally. Couples can experience a lack of intimacy after a baby, brought on by fatigue, stress over caring for the new person they are responsible for, and even a general shift in hormones post-delivery (some people even experience a decrease in their sex drive throughout their pregnancy).
We’re not saying to jump right into sex after birth (after all, the human body needs time to recover after delivering a baby, and your doctor or midwife’s recommendations should be followed). Of course, we’re not even suggesting that you have sex when you’re not in the mood and don’t feel up to it. What we are suggesting is that couples who want to keep their sex lives alive and well, even after having kids, take the points we’ve outlined below into consideration. They will help you return to your sexual routine, one that is fulfilling for you both.
Set aside time for date nights
Often, lack of intimacy after a baby (or even when your kids have grown a bit) is due to not dedicating enough time to one another. Even after having children, it’s still important to spend quality time with your partner and prioritize your relationship. Come up with some unique date ideas to go on together and set time aside as often as possible to enjoy alone time. Building intimacy without sex, by continuing to get to know each other, is a great way to work towards sexual intimacy.
Talk about how you feel
It’s normal to be reluctant or unsure about sexual activities after having kids, especially concerning sex after birth. Whether it’s due to feeling self-conscious about your bodies, experiencing fatigue from long nights awake with your little one, or anything in between, discuss these concerns with your partner and try working through them together. Parenthood can be different for each of you, meaning that you must vocalize your concerns to make each other aware of how you’re coping.
Get into the habit of having sex
While morning sex might be off the table when you have small children waking up before anyone else, you can still make sex part of your routine! You might first have to actively work to schedule it in, but it will become a regular part of your week (or day, if you’re a bit more ambitious) over time. Remember, mutual masturbation and oral sex count, too!
Take advantage of nap time
Let’s be honest; most parents don’t use nap time to get rest themselves. Instead, they use it as a chance to get things done around the house. However, it’s also the perfect time to have sex after kids! Whether you have enough time for slow, mindful sex or just enough moments to spare for a quickie, this is an ideal opportunity to spend some sensual time with your partner before returning to the regular tasks associated with parenting.
Keep things exciting
Keeping your sex lives thrilling is the perfect way to initiate regular sex. You can do this when you’re physically together, or even when one or both partners are away from the house through sexting and (if you’re feeling particularly naughty) sending nudes as a hint of what’s to come later that day after the kids have gone to sleep.
Consider couples’ therapy
The fact remains that love and mental health are often deeply intertwined. If one or both of you notice difficulty in getting back to your pre-parenting sex lives, you might want to consider couples’ therapy. It’s a great way to address and work through the stresses and concerns you are experiencing. Sometimes, you might both be feeling the same way about things!
Parenting isn’t a walk in the park. From pregnancy or throughout the adoption process, you can feel the pressure of making decisions for your child before they even come into the world; when you finally have them in your arms, those feelings of stress may increase. As a result, both you and your partner’s sex lives may get placed on the back burner for the time being.
It doesn’t have to be this way, if you don’t want it to! Working in the time to have sex after kids can be an incredibly beneficial aspect of your partnership and a fantastic way, generally, to have a better relationship with the person you love. Once you have re-established this habit, it will become second nature and yet another fulfilling part of parenting.
Do you find that there is a lack of intimacy after having a baby, or even as the child grows up? What are your tips for having great, regular sex after kids? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
