Maintenance Sex: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
There are many important things in a relationship, and maintenance sex could be one of them. But what is maintenance sex, exactly? Essentially, this is having sex for the simple sake of having sex, even when one or both partners aren’t totally feeling in the mood, to maintain passion in a relationship. The overall goal of it is to ensure that the couple does not fall out of the desire to have sex entirely, as well as keeping both significant others sexually satisfied and engaged with one another.
As you can imagine, taking on this perspective of sex can have both its pros and cons. With this in mind, assessing the benefits and downfalls of maintenance sex can help any couple considering utilizing it, prior to delving into regularly scheduling intimate time.
Pro: It helps avoid long sexual dry spells
When dealing with mismatched libidos, couples can easily slip into an unintentional dry spell, especially when being in the mood never lines up. However, if either partner has chosen abstinence for whatever reason (as sometimes, a self-induced dry spell is necessary), this is something that can be discussed, but should be respected.
Con: Partners can feel pressured to have sex
One of the most important things in a relationship is that a significant other never pressure their partner into doing something they do not feel comfortable with, especially when it comes to sex. While there are many health benefits of sex, an overall healthy relationship is one where there’s full consent.
Pro: Physical intimacy is maintained
Regardless of the reason, sex after marriage and sex after kids sometimes feel challenging to make time for. However, relationship self-care is crucial for all couples and seducing your long-term partner might be easier than you think! If you don’t have tonnes of time, you might consider scheduling in a quickie.
Con: It’s easy to slip into a routine
Even in the most balanced relationship, it’s easy for your once-exciting partnership to become repetitive by scheduling your sex. To change things up, start by finding ways to make your partner a priority, including sexually. Talking dirty or sexting to them is one way you can lead up to your maintenance sex without making it feel too routine!
Pro: You’re forced to have an open dialogue
Of the various pros and cons of maintenance sex, a benefit is that it encourages you to start talking about sex with your partner. Open communication helps you to have a better relationship, giving opportunities to start talking to your partner about your kinks and fetishes and talking to your partner about your needs.
Con: You can avoid getting to the root of the problem
Sometimes, couples aren’t having sex for more complex reasons than ‘just because.’ Maintenance sex can brush over medical issues tied to why you have no sex drive, experiencing painful sex, lack of conflict resolution, and even an absence I intimacy. After all, building intimacy without sex is necessary, too!
Pro: Scheduling in sex can give you something to look forward to
Just because it’s scheduled sex, doesn’t mean it has to be boring sex! You can find the best places to have sex both in your home or adventurously beyond its walls, play with times (for example, fit it into your morning routine as shower sex), and try out new positions — maybe something seen while watching ethical porn together.
Con: Scheduling in sex can start to feel boring
Ultimately, maintenance sex can become tedious to upkeep if you’re not all in. While the intention is to strengthen a relationship, couples’ therapy might be a more beneficial way to foster open communication between you and your significant other.
It doesn’t matter if you’re looking to upkeep an intimate relationship by boosting your long-term relationship or even increasing sex after marriage, maintenance sex is something to consider. By assessing the pros and cons of it with your partner, you can decide for yourselves if implementing scheduled sex can truly strengthen a relationship. If the entire idea seems off-putting, we definitely don’t recommend pursuing any sexual activity that makes either partner feel uncomfortable. However, if the thought seems interesting and you’re equally onboard, venture to find a time — even once a week — where you can both block off an hour of time for uninterrupted sex.
It’s one of those important things in a relationship, so why not make an effort to find a way to make sex work for you (whether through maintenance sex or something else)? You may end up boosting your libido and improving your sex life!
Do you think maintenance sex is a key method to strengthen a relationship? When it comes to sex after marriage, do you feel that sex is crucial way to keep the spark alive? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
