How Can I Fix My Significant Other’s and My Mismatched Libidos?
Partners with different sex drives are more common than you might think! Whether one partner has a low libido and the other’s is high, or the times each person wants sex differs, mismatched libidos aren’t something to be ashamed about. While you should certainly feel comfortable talking about sex with your partner, sometimes, you need to have even better conversations to find desire discrepancy solutions. Remember: it’s not just to increase libido, but rather to love your body as it is, to know your body better, and to have a healthy relationship built on mutual trust and consent.
Looking for ways on how to deal with mismatched libidos? How about generally boosting your libido and improving your sex life? Check out our points below!
Look at it as a shared venture, not a problem
Sure, mismatched libidos can cause a hiccup in a relationship. Your perspective on the situation, though, can make a huge difference! By brainstorming ways that your current sex life and intimacy differ from how it was when libido was higher or more in-synch, you may find your solution! Perhaps it’s switching from evening to morning sex, or locations within the home. Maybe it’s making the situation more thrilling by venturing to have sex in public, when possible.
Show one another empathy
Regardless of if you have different sex drives at alternating times of the day or you or your partner currently have a low libido, cut yourselves some slack. While sex is an integral part of a relationship, it’s not the sole defining factor. Many other elements play into a solid partnership, and this can be the time to work on improving those things. During this time, ask each other how you can better make them a priority. A little bit of relationship self-care could be the answer you’ve been looking for.
Think beyond penetrative sex
For one, building intimacy without sex is one of our preferred methods of learning how to cope with different libidos. However, keep in mind that while significant others may not be into having penetrative sex (whether with a penis, finger, or any sex toys for penises or toys for vaginas), there are other ways to enjoy sex! Foreplay is a fantastic way to bring either partner to orgasm, as is using sex toys designed for couples, as is mutual masturbation. Stripteases, lap dances, and similar sensual activities are also a great way to sexually entice your partner without penetration.
Strive for quality over quantity
As you increase libido (or if you do), keep in mind that sex isn’t a race. It’s not about the number of times you have sex in a given period, but rather striving to make the instances when you engage with one another sexually enjoyable. By talking to your partner about your needs, you are more likely to help them understand what they can do to sexually satisfy you, as is your ability to arouse them based on their needs.
Schedule maintenance sex
In an effort to increase libido, many couples schedule a set time to have sex with one another to maintain passion in their relationship. In other words, they work maintenance sex into their lives. While there are many wrong reasons to incorporate maintenance sex into a relationship (including those which put pressure on either partner or appear to remove any form of enthusiastic consent), some folks swear by it as a means to seducing their long-term partner.
Delve into a deeper cause
Still find yourself asking, “Why do I have no sex drive?” While your sex drive can fluctuate naturally, sometimes, there is a medical reason for low libido (including mental health). Many couples have better sex as they age, so long as they stay on top of their physical health and address any concerns with a healthcare professional. When it comes to mental health, mental illness can influence relationships, too. This is why therapy is an amazing thing to do for yourself (including couples’ therapy).
Sometimes, loss of libido can make a couple feel like they’re surviving a dry spell in their long-term partnership or even as if they are struggling through a sexless marriage (if they’ve tied the knot). If learning how to cope with different libidos is something you are having difficulty with, remember that it’s not just about getting better in bed and being an incredible sex partner. It’s working together to find a way to enjoy intimacy with one another in a way that feels mutually beneficial and consensual despite having mismatched libidos.
What’s your preferred method of how to cope with different libidos? Do you find that different sex drives can negatively affect a relationship or can be easily worked through? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
