How to Get Better in Bed and Be an Incredible Sex Partner
Did you know that many people search the web for such things as “how to get better in bed,” “how to improve sex power,” and “maintaining passion in a relationship”? It’s not uncommon! Many people, understandably, want to have a better relationship and a better sex life with their partner(s) and, as a result, look for sex tips online in hopes that it will help them to have great sex.
With this in mind, we’ve compiled our list of sex tips that will hopefully lead to a better sex life. One that leaves you feeling fulfilled and pleasured in every way imaginable.
Never pressure anyone into having sex
Consent is vital, and not something to be taken lightly. For any sexual encounter that is taking place — including switching things up and trying new sex positions — check in with your partner(s) and make sure that they feel comfortable going ahead with the activity. Whether it’s your first time having sex with this person or the thousandth, consent is always required by everyone involved.
That said, great sex happens when everyone is on board with what is happening; it’s hard to become aroused and excited about sex when one or more people involved are anxious, uncertain, and unwilling to participate. Because of this, pressuring someone into having sex in the general sense, or even into doing something particular in bed, will never be beneficial to anyone involved.
The bottom line? Consent is needed to show respect to your partner(s), enables everyone to withdraw when they no longer feel comfortable, allows everyone to be on the same page, helps avoid ‘miscommunications,’ and creates a safe space for all. Not to mention that pressuring someone into sex or forcing sex on them is rape and punishable by the law.
Talk about what you want
If you're interested in how to get better in bed, the perfect starting point is having better conversations with your partner(s). Be open about your sexual fantasies, where you most like to be touched, the pressure and speed that feels best against your skin and genitals, and what positions are more comfortable and enjoyable for you (as well as which ones are painful).
If this directly affects you, talking to your partner about your kinks and fetishes is also an incredibly useful way to have better sex. This is particularly true in situations where a person’s sexual identity and fulfillment are tied to the expression of their fantasy. Be open and honest with your partner(s) and encourage them to create an open dialogue with you to speak freely about their thoughts and feelings towards the topic. As with any expression of sexual desire, be clear about what you are hoping for, how it brings you pleasure, and how you can work together to fulfill these desires.
Make sure your body is clean
Body odour, bad breath, and greasy hair, among other things, can be a turn off in the bedroom. To avoid confronting issues like this that may become a mood killer, try to bathe daily and wash your genitals (penises with mild and non-perfumed soap and vulvas with a pH-balanced soap to avoid soreness or infections). Snuggling up to someone who smells fresh and clean is a great way to set the mood. Not to mention making acts like oral sex much more enjoyable for the giver!
To make sure that you’re both squeaky clean — and to take advantage of all the benefits of morning sex — try switching things up. You can conserve both time and your water bill by hopping in the shower together; helping each other wash up from the head down to your toes can be a sensual way to get in the mood. Having the water run over your bodies will also help ensure that you stay clean before getting dressed and heading off to your respective jobs.
Be mindful of your partner(s)
We’ve said it before: mindful sex is the most intimate sex. So, it comes as no surprise that we would suggest taking this approach to boost your sex life (and as a means to get better in bed).
Mindful sex involves focusing on the ‘here and now’ without being goal-oriented and getting caught up in specific fantasies. Stop thinking about what’s going on in the office at work, about due dates and deadlines, about an argument you had with your friend or what you need to pick up from the grocery store later this evening. Instead, you need only to concern yourself with what’s going on between you and your partner(s) right now at that very moment.
Take things outside of the bedroom by building intimacy without sex, learning what your partner(s) love(s) and desire(s), and then applying it to sexual situations. Making someone feel special and wanted is an amazing turn-on that can speak volumes about your affection and desire for them both physically and emotionally.
Treat foreplay like the main event
Whether it’s oral sex (like a blowjob or eating out a vulva), or manually masturbating your partner (through a handjob or fingering), it’s crucial to treat foreplay like it’s the main event, rather than just a means to an end. Ploughing through it in hopes of quickly getting to penetrative sex can make the receiver feel rushed and nervous; this is especially true if they think that they are not becoming aroused fast enough for their partner(s). However, keep in mind that there is no right or wrong length of time for someone to become sexually aroused, if aroused at all).
While it’s a great way to help someone become stimulated — and even bring them to (or to the brink of) climax — it shouldn’t always just be something to get your partner(s) prepared for penetrative sex.
When you treat fellatio and cunnilingus like it’s the only reason that you’ve come out to play, the person on the receiving end will undoubtedly notice the difference and be appreciative of that.
Use more lube
Did you know that using a lubricant can not only make penetrative sex more comfortable and enjoyable, but it can also increase the chances of reaching orgasm for folks with vulvas? Because vaginal dryness makes accommodating a finger, penis, sex toy — anything! — uncomfortable, using a proper lube can prevent this. It also helps both partners maintain a steady rhythm or even switch up speed and depth of insertion, which many folks with vaginas require to climax.
People with penises also benefit from using lube, as entering an unlubricated vagina or anus can cause chafing on the shaft. Keep in mind that lube is also essential when receiving anal sex, whether the individual has a penis or vagina. The anus does not have any natural lubrication, so adding it is necessary.
Pick a lube depending on your preference. Water-based lubes are best for silicone sex toys and feel more natural (and less sticky). Silicone-based lubricants typically last longer before needing to be reapplied and are water-resistant, which is perfect for shower or hot tub sex.
Don’t rush things
As the old adage goes: “Slow and steady wins the race.” Just like the fable where the tortoise out-ran the hare simply because they took their time and didn’t become lazy, in bed, rushing into things not only feels as if you’re hurrying towards a finish line, but also can be a major mood-killer.
Trying to move things along too quickly can not only make someone feel obligated to climax (which is a stressful thought that can make sex unenjoyable), but also ashamed of themselves if they are unable to for whatever reason. Instead, take your time. Talk to one another, follow each other’s leads, have a sexual experience without any rigid expectations. The only limits either person should put on the situation are mutual consent and overall enjoyment. Anything beyond that is a really exciting bonus!
Incorporate objects and sex toys
There is a seemingly never-ending array of both sex toys for folks with vaginas and sex toys for folks with penises available in our world. There’s bound to be a handful of them that will work perfectly for you and your partner’s bodies, whether you are buying for individual play or sex toys to be used as a couple.
While toys, rope, harnesses, and other objects can help bring an extra rush of pleasure into your sexual adventures (a fun suggestion: use a sex toy on your partner and be in control of their orgasms — this is an excellent idea for edging), don’t look at them as ‘cheating’ your way to climaxing. Instead, consider these as tools used to enhance pleasure, decrease pressure on the sex partner(s), and even to build intimacy.
And remember: when you’re finished using them, make sure that you clean your sex toys properly.
Stop lying about climaxing
One of the most detrimental things you can do to your self-esteem is to lie about having an orgasm when you have not genuinely reached climax. One does not need to climax to be a good sex partner, nor does it make someone bad in bed if their partner(s) do(es) not reach orgasm. Part of practising self-love and self-care requires open communication with the person or people that you are having sex with. Don’t be ashamed to offer guidance — “a little to the right,” “thrust faster,” or “use the tip of your tongue,” to name a few suggestions one might have — to your partner(s). Every body is different and can change based on hormones, stress levels, fatigue, and so forth. Therefore, what worked for you today might not be what turns you on tomorrow.
By pretending to climax, you’re not allowing your partner(s) to learn your body better, to become fluent with what brings you the most pleasure. This could be in the form of faking orgasm with the penis by pretending to cum into your partner, when you are actually just becoming flaccid, or crying out in a false climax while pretending to orgasm from G-spot, clitoral, nipple (etc.) stimulation.
Having a better sex life is likely easier than you might imagine. While considering how to get better in bed and how to improve sex power are aspects to consider, there are smaller things one can do to reach the same end goal. By following the sex tips that we have laid out above, including loving your body as it is and developing a sex-positive attitude, anyone can become a better partner in bed.
What are your tried and true ways to improve sex power? What constitutes ‘great sex’ for you? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
