How to Communicate More With Your Significant Other During Sex
Unsure of how to communicate sexually, especially in the heat of the moment? While it doesn’t necessarily come easily to talk about sex with your partner, the fact remains that communication during sex is essential for mutual pleasure and sexual fulfillment. This holds whether you’re in a serious, committed relationship or are enjoying a one-night stand.
Want to improve the way you approach sexual communication? Here’s how you can open up the conversation.
Tell your partner when something feels good
First things first: when something feels incredible — that eye-rolling, toe-curling, echoing scream-inducing orgasmic — tell your sex partner. This is one of the critical things for folks wanting to master how to communicate in bed. During sexual intercourse itself (that is, communication during sex, not before or after), it’s completely acceptable to let them know what it is that you love to experience to help guide a partner towards what feels best for your body.
Maybe it’s sharing your adoration for oral, like blowjobs or getting eaten out. Maybe it’s manual stimulation that gets you going, such as handjobs or fingering. It could even be a particular depth of insertion during anal sex.
This is also a great way to express ongoing consent to a partner while simultaneously encouraging more of what you want from them sexually.
Be clear when something is painful or uncomfortable
Just as verbal communication is important when bringing up all the things you love during sex, it is also essential to bring up what you don’t enjoy. This is key for thorough sexual communication!
Don’t be afraid to bring up anything that is a concern! This can range anything from expressing discomfort with trying new things in the bedroom (or changing your mind in the midst of exploring things both new and previously explored, such as new sex positions, role-play scenarios, or even objects like gagging and gags). It can be letting your partner know that the way they are performing oral sex is not doing much for you and pointing them towards the spot that turns you on.
Please be aware that any sex partner who does not respect your request to stop a particular behaviour or do what they can to overcome discomfort or pain during sex is exhibiting a major red flag. We’d highly recommend that you avoid continuing pursuing them as a sexual partner (at the very least, until that aspect is resolved).
NOTE: If deep penetration with a penis or sex toy causes either partner discomfort, we recommend trying out the Ohnut to help with that!
Don’t fake sexual pleasure or orgasms
If there’s one thing we want to drive home to you, it’s that you should never fake pleasure or fake an orgasm. Not only does this go against the ‘rules’ of honest communication during sex that we’ve been explaining, but it also fails to let your sex partner know that what they’re doing just isn’t working. What’s more, if they believe that it’s bringing that you toe-curling orgasm they want to get you to, they’ll make the wrongful assumption that that works for your body and will continue to do it in the future.
So, if you’re not feeling the amount of pleasure you’d like to be experiencing during sexual intercourse, it’s time to have better conversations. This, in particular, can be done before or after you begin engaging with your partner sexually, including times when you’re feeling neutral and not particularly hot-and-heavy. Discover what your different sex styles might be, if incorporating sex toys into your routine might make for increased orgasms, or if experimenting with new sex positions and elements of pleasure (analingus, perhaps?) might help.
Whether sleeping with someone new, having a friends with benefits relationship, or enjoying sex with a partner you’ve been physically familiar with for years, it’s worth your while to take time to discuss sex — to share your potentially different experiences — during the act itself. Learning about talking with your partner about your needs and to communicate sexually with a sex partner, including how to discuss sex problems with your partner, is crucial. By taking the time to master the ‘art’ of verbal communication surrounding sexual intercourse, foreplay, and any other erotic activity, folks can learn to make the most of their intimate moments.
Do you feel that communication during sex is crucial, or do you prefer to talk after the fact? Do you have any tips for talking about sex in a new relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
