Fetish Friday: Gagging
X Play Quilted Ball Gag. Photo courtesy of Love Shop.
A fetish defines the object of someone’s sexual fantasies (a living being or an inanimate object), while kinks refer to the ‘non-conventional’ practices that a person takes part in or fantasizes about. When exploring either definition, both are often considered to diverge from mainstream social norms.
Thankfully, recent years have seen the world become more and more sex-positive. As a result, many fetishes and kinks are increasingly regarded as being ‘acceptable.’ Still, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person has is understood by the general public. This may be, in part, due to the diverse subcultures that often branch from a single fetish or kink; it can leave outsiders uncertain of what it entails.
Today, we’ve decided to speak about gagging (relating to BDSM role-play) to help remove any misperceptions and uncertainties on the topic. We hope that it will give you a better idea of what it’s like to experience this kink, as well as what someone who takes part in it might be into.
What is gagging (and using a gag)?
In the context of BDSM, a gag is used as a part of sexual bondage on a submissive partner for anything from (consensually) silencing them during sexual play, as punishment or humiliation, to up levels of anxiety or submission, or even to gain erotic pleasure from the general experience. Often, a ball gag is used (pictured at the beginning of this article), filling the mouth while being strapped in place onto the wearer’s head.
Common misconceptions
Just because the gagged submissive’s mouth is restrained in some way, does not necessarily mean that the rest of their body (for example, their limbs) must also be in bondage. That said, enjoying gagging does not have to involve a ball gag, specifically! Other options include — but are not limited to — scarves or kerchiefs, bits (similar to a horse bit), cleave gags, funnel gags, muzzles, or pacifiers (during age play).
How to talk about it with your partner
When talking to your significant other about your kink, be open and honest with them, answering any questions or concerns that may arise. Be clear on what you expect to get out of the situation, how the scenario or role-play will likely pan out, and the safety measures and precautions you’ll both take to ensure that it all goes smoothly. This includes plans on what to do if something goes wrong!
Things to try
As we mentioned above, there are many different types of gags that someone may choose to experiment with. We recommend starting with something ‘easy,’ like a scarf or simple ball gag to get a feel of what the experience is like. As you explore your boundaries and discover what aspects of gagging you both most enjoy, you can branch out to playing with new forms of gags during your sexual play.
Are there risks to consider?
Because this kink involves the mouth’s obstruction, it’s vital to ensure that the gagged individual can properly breathe when necessary. While breath play may be a part of the appeal, it becomes critical to have a safeword in place (including a non-verbal safeword, such as humming or a body movement) in case things become uncomfortable. Remember that just because one’s nose is unobstructed does not necessarily mean that a person can easily breathe through it.
How can I learn more?
In addition to the resources we often point our readers to when considering BDSM subcultures — such as BDSM dungeons, sex clubs, and even online chatrooms and forums with like-minded people — sex shops are another great place to turn. Here, experts can point you in the right direction of selecting the perfect gag for you and your sex partner(s). As just one example, Love Shop offers excellent resources and the option to chat with someone online. You won’t even have to go in-store!
After reading this, we hope that you now have a deeper understanding of what it means to use a gag in the context of BDSM role-play. The next time the topic comes up in conversation, we are confident that you will feel encouraged to speak about it, whether it be to learn more about the kink from someone who practices it first-hand or to educate someone who may be closed off to the idea. With your help, we feel that we have done our job to help make the world a more sexually inclusive place!
Have you ever used a gag before? Are you interested in exploring BDSM role-play or bondage in terms of gagging? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
