‘The Talk’: How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
A concern that crosses many parents’ minds — whether before they feel it is ‘necessary’ or not — is how to talk to your kids about sex. Commonly (and rather ominously) referred to as ‘the talk,’ this is the perfect opportunity to nurture your child’s development with accurate information about human sexuality in a way that they can understand. After all, with children’s comprehension differing and expanding as they get older, it’s important to discuss things with them in an age-appropriate way; that is, in a way that they can digest without misunderstanding.
Below, you’ll find the best ways for talking to your child about sex without having to rely on sex education in the school system, based on your child’s age.
Ages 0 to 3:
From conception, caregivers set the tone for their child’s perceptions of sex as they get older. Gender reveal parties suck for this very reason; it encourages the belief that gender is determined by whether the infant has a penis or vagina. During these early stages of development, something as simple as giving a child gendered toys (for example, dolls for girls and trucks for boys) can leave a lasting impact.
It is also critical to teach your child essential relationship boundaries during this time, including giving them the agency to decide who they want to hug or kiss. Consent is vital to teach from birth!
Ages 4 to 5:
Kids become interested in their bodies, including genitalia (which is important for adults to always refer to by its proper terminology). In school change rooms or amongst curious friends, children may notice the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised friends, or ask why some folks have breasts when others do not.
During these inquisitive times, it’s essential to answer questions honestly, in a way the child can understand. By being open with kids and teaching them self-love and self-care (including self-love exercises), you’re setting the tone for them to have better conversations with their partners as adults.
Ages 6 to 8:
Kids this age are likely to start experimenting with masturbation. Explain to them that while it’s normal and something that they shouldn’t be ashamed of, it’s important not to do it in public (as those around them have not consented to watch it). You can also touch on ethical pornography, as they are likely to stumble on it online; highlight that while it isn’t wrong to watch, it’s intended for adults.
You may also want to discuss the importance of recognizing sexist dating myths and signs of an abusive relationship in a way they can comprehend. Children at this age are now becoming more aware of the romantic relationships of adults in their lives. As a result, they can be influenced by what they observe.
Ages 9 to 12:
Kids start to better understand how bodies are sexualized at this age, thus making it the perfect time to discuss how they control their bodies and how slut-shaming goes against feminism. You may also choose to discuss the interactions between love and mental health, and how one can affect the other, as well as birth control options they should be aware of.
During this time, your child might come to you with questions about something they heard at school, like going to an orgy or folks who practise non-monogamy. Maybe they have questions about topics you know nothing about (and might even be shocked by), like fire play or sounding. Be sure that the information you are giving them is accurate; if you are unsure of an answer, tell your child that you’re going to research the facts and then get back to them.
Ages 13 to 18:
As children become teenagers, you can begin to emphasize the importance of practicing safe sex to prevent sexually transmitted infections (as well as having sex with an STI). With the onset of puberty, be sure that they are aware of any essential health checks for penises and health checks for vaginas — depending on what they have — and ensure they go for annual check-ups with their family doctor.
Topics like increased sex drives, dating violence, consent, and kinks and fetishes might come up. Like anything, address these subjects openly and honestly.
From giving your child a sex-positive education by emphasizing the importance of feminism, understanding how to talk to their partner about kinks and fetishes, and developing a greater understanding of the acts of sex themselves, there is no denying that speaking openly and frankly to your kids is paramount. When talking to your child about sex, you’re offering a chance for them to feel comfortable initiating ‘the talk’ themselves, to ask questions and turn to the adults they trust for advice and real facts.
If the significance of understanding how to talk to your kids about sex was not apparent before, we hope it is now. After all, sex education (and an understanding of human sexuality) is the best way to ensure that the next generation of children can develop healthy relationships both with themselves and with their sexual partners.
What are some of your tips for talking to your child about sex? Do you think having ‘the talk’ at home, instead of relying on their school, is necessary for kids to have better sex education and learn more about their sexuality? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
