‘Fetish’ defines the object of one’s sexual fantasies (a living being or an inanimate object), while ‘kink’ is used to describe the ‘non-conventional’ practices that a person takes part in or sexually fantasizes about. When considering the connotations of both words, both are typically seen as diverging from conventional societal norms.

In recent years though, we have fortunately seen the world become more sex-positive. Consequently, many fetishes and kinks are considered more ‘acceptable’ to discuss. Yet, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person has is understood by the general population. This is partly due to many subcultures that can branch from a single fetish or kink, leaving outsiders uncertain of what it entails.

To help remove misperceptions and uncertainties on the topic, we’ve decided to discuss the subject of playing with fire in a BDSM context, including how one can incorporate it safely into erotic play. We hope that it will offer a better idea of what it’s like to experience this kink and what someone who takes part in it is into.

What is fire play?

Fire play is, literally, playing with fire as a subculture of BDSM. There are varying degrees of fire play, many of which involve setting fire against the skin in different ways. This can be an extremely dangerous practice and should only be done by those with experience.

Common misconceptions

Typically, fire play does not involve igniting a person on fire as a spur of the moment decision, without any thorough planning in place beforehand. Usually, 50% to 70% rubbing alcohol (or another flammable substance) is lit close to or against a consenting submissive’s skin by their Dominant. However, there usually are no marks left on the body, unless done with intention. In those situations, it may be in the form of a brand.

How to talk about it with your partner

Before talking to your partner about your kink — or your willingness to try using fire as a part of sexual play — keep in mind that not everyone will feel comfortable playing with fire, whether on the giving or receiving end of it. If they refuse, you must not push the matter. Like any sexual activity, consent is vital and should never be challenged. That said, when speaking about it, be sure to be open and honest, describing precisely what you would be interested in doing with them.

Things to try

With plenty of room for moving around and spreading out, find a non-flammable space to play. Isopropyl alcohol can be applied directly on the body or to a cotton ball in lines or designs, which will then be placed on or near the submissive’s skin, depending on both folks’ comfort levels. You can also try fire cupping, which is similar to that used in Asian alternative medicine, or bouncing, which incorporates fire batons.

Keep in mind that a session will often last around fifteen minutes.

Are there risks to consider?

There are many risks to consider before playing with fire. In addition to only using a barbeque lighter (avoiding open flames) and having a third person stand by if something goes wrong, you should also have a fire extinguisher or fire blanket on hand and a phone (in case you need to call 911). Avoid synthetic fibre clothing (or any clothing at all), hair products, and tie back long hair from the face. Of course, everything should be done in a non-flammable environment.

How can I learn more?

Because of this kink’s dangerous nature, we highly recommend doing thorough research into practicing it safely before attempting it for the first time. If you can, connect with someone who has experience spotting to stand by while you and your partner play and to ensure that you are doing everything as safely as possible. You can look for nearby spotters by connecting to someone at a local sex club or BDSM dungeon — some even offer classes to learn how to perform fire play safely.

Now that you have read this, we hope you have a deeper understanding of what fire play is, in the context of BDSM. The next time the topic comes up in conversation, we hope you will feel comfortable speaking about it. Whether it’s learning more about the kink from someone who experiences it first-hand or educating someone who may be closed off to the idea, we feel that we have done our job to help make the world a more sexually inclusive place.

Have you ever incorporated fire play into your BDSM routine before, with a barbeque lighter (or something riskier)? Is playing with fire something you’d be willing to try? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

Fetish Friday: Fire Play