How Slut-Shaming Goes Against Feminism and Sex Positivity
What makes a woman* a slut? Moreover, what constitutes ‘being a slut’?
Perhaps it’s the way a woman looks. Maybe, instead, it’s how a woman behaves. Possibly, it’s the actions that a woman takes, the relationships that she has.
For a society that feels comfortable throwing around the word ‘slut’ as an intended accusation, there seems to be an unclear definition of the word. A definition that can vary from person to person. Regardless though, of how our world tries to stop promiscuity, we can choose to educate ourselves and adopt a sense of sex-positivity through developing a sex-positive attitude.
The first step: understanding how slut-shaming goes against feminism.
*Please note that because the official Merriam-Webster definition of ‘slut’ refers to “a promiscuous person: someone who has many sexual partners — usually used of a woman,” we have targeted this article to the context of ‘women.’ Of course, this includes all women: trans women, two-spirited folx, femme, butch, ‘female’-presenting non-binary folx, and so forth.
Stopping promiscuity controls women’s sexuality
Of course, a person can build intimacy without sex, but if someone wants to connect with their partners in sexual ways, why should they be prevented from doing so? When people — including religious groups and political parties, family members and ‘friends’ — do everything they can to try and learn how to stop promiscuity, it’s a red flag. They need to be re-educated and prevented from making any decisions on your behalf until such a time that they are enlightened. At its core, society shames women for exhibiting sexual behaviour, but it also shames them for being sexual beings.
The irony is that these same ‘traditionalists’ tend to adopt the idea that a woman must lose her virginity to her newlywed husband in the sanctity of marriage; otherwise, she is considered impure and unfit. However, in marriage, traditionalists frequently believe that women’s job then, is to bear child after child. But how does one bear their spouse a child, without having sex? It’s impossible. So, then, while the woman has no choice but to have sex for procreation, she should not be enjoying the act of making babies, or else she is still a ‘slut.’ As a woman, there is no winning. There is no way to embrace her sexuality without being reprimanded by the world that she lives in.
When we fail to stop these ideas, when people with power and influence who have a personal agenda are left to make life-altering decisions on behalf of women, those affected are left at a disadvantage. What begins with slut-shaming turns into becoming a rape apologist (more on that in a bit), withholding women’s rights, refusing safe abortions to women, and even genital mutilations. Unfortunately, these things are only scratching the surface of what stems from slut-shaming and anti-feminism.
Do we see the common trend here? Slut-shaming goes against feminism and sex-positivity. It’s also heavily perpetuating misogynistic outlooks that have been ingrained into society for centuries.
Sex is good for you
Not only does sex lower blood pressure, better your heart health, improve your sleep schedule, and — of course — help keep you in good physical shape, it’s also an incredible aid to enhance your outlook on life. Sex is healthy for you!
Sex elevates a person’s sense of self-love and self-esteem, and can reduce symptoms of depression in a person. Having a physical relationship and knowing that your sex partner finds you desirable causes an increase in perceived sex-positivity and subconsciously encourages you to love your body as it is.
So, why should women not be granted permission to capitalize on these benefits without being branded negatively by the world around them? If sex is good for everyone, why does it carry so much shame when women enjoy it? Why do even women chastise each other for their sexuality, for being promiscuous?
For some, it may be a knee-jerk reaction to their own repression. For others, it can be a conditioned response that they believe they should have. Seeing a woman who is confident in herself, who is proud of her sensuality and body, may cause a person to attack her out of anger, resentment, or jealousy. Ultimately, their reaction is rooted in a lack of sex-positivity; either they do not understand how everyone is entitled to their private sex lives as a consenting adult or because they do not care about someone’s right to this.
By condemning sensuality, you’re accepting assault
It has been said a thousand times when it comes to rape and sexual assault — that a woman “had it coming” because of how she dressed or because of her flirty nature. When possible, people will often search for more things the woman did to blame her, as opposed to her assailant. Perhaps she was meeting people on dating apps, writing on her dating profile that she was looking for something casual. Maybe she was sexting or sending nudes to a person she didn’t know very well. Maybe she was in an open relationship with her partner or had a friends with benefits situation turn into something more (“Gasp! What did she expect, putting herself in a situation like that?”).
What’s more, so many sex scenes in Hollywood perpetuate this notion that women are responsible for putting themselves in situations where they attract men’s attention. If this turns to rape or sexual assault, it is portrayed as being their fault. As just one example, in the television series Outlander, Caitriona Balfe’s character Claire Beauchamp is nearly raped — and later, her daughter Brianna is raped — in situations when they, as women, were alone with a man. While the show is not necessarily condoning raping a woman, it’s normalizing the situation.
Forcing women to be accountable for the actions of other people is absurd. Would it make sense to blame a passenger for dying in a plane crash because they chose to fly on that date, with that particular airline? The same applies to condemning sensuality and using it as a scapegoat for condoning rape and sexual assault.
It pigeonholes certain folx
First, let’s talk about the obvious. When a woman is labelled a ‘slut,’ and people begin to perceive her as being a slut (feeling that they are warranted to pass judgement and make that subjective opinion known), she is rigidly placed into a category she likely will have difficulty shaking off, if she wants to. With our society being one that tends to slut-shame, it can be difficult to embrace this label and for a woman to view it in any other way but with embarrassment or guilt.
Some of the best sex blogs on the internet, feminism-oriented magazines and books, and intersectional feminists themselves believe that it’s important to reclaim the word as your own. If a woman is being called a slut, embrace it! Wear it as a badge of honour, a small piece of the complex being that you are, and consider it an empowering compliment instead of something to take offence to. However, even if a woman embraces the label fully, it can still be a pigeonhole from a social perspective.
The language we use has a massive impact on our internalized perceptions, both of ourselves and other people. In turn, how we describe ourselves and other people will influence how the listener goes on to view the subject. The word ‘slut’ is typically used to describe feminine-presenting people, cementing the outdated notion that women are not supposed to want or initiate sex (especially when not in love or not married). On the contrary, men who engage with plenty of sexual partners are labelled as ‘real men,’ ‘studs,’ or ‘Casanovas.’ When you begin considering sexual orientation, race, socioeconomic status, and other determining factors, things become even more complicated.
A woman without much money, who turns down someone’s advances, may be labelled a ‘low-class slut.’ Somebody may label a bisexual woman as a slut for being attracted to either sex. A woman of colour could be labelled a slut for wearing a low-cut dress, simply because of her race, while a white woman wearing the same outfit might be labelled as ‘sexy.’
What makes a woman a ‘slut,’ anyways?
While there’s a technical definition for the word ‘slut’ in the dictionary, the way that people perceive it varies. To some, it’s dependant on the way that a woman dresses. They pass judgements based on such questions as: Is she showing too much skin on her legs by wearing a short skirt or pair of short shorts? Is she showing too much cleavage? Are her breasts too big, whether biological or surgically enhanced? Is she too pretty? Does she wear too much makeup? Does she have long or short hair?
Maybe, instead, some people determine a woman’s promiscuity based on how she behaves in public, placing her value on how she portrays herself to others. Does she smile at strangers while out for an afternoon walk or while riding the bus alone at night? Does she flirt with people that she finds attractive or interesting? Does she opt to work in an environment with predominantly male-identifying co-workers? Is she open about taking advantage of the benefits of watching porn or of using sex toys?
Possibly, it’s the actions that a woman takes, the relationships that she has. Is it the fact that she has dated many people? That she has lost her virginity before marriage? That she has hosted an orgy or attended a play party? That she’s had a one-night stand, is navigating a friends with benefits relationship, is living with an STI, enjoys anal and butt play or oral sex (like cunnilingus or fellatio)?
Clearly, there is no firm definition, aside from the one believed in one’s own mind, based on how they interpret their world from a societal perspective.
Is being a slut a bad thing? Not in our books!
Regardless of a woman’s wardrobe, physical appearance, the relationships she chooses to (or not to) have, her fetishes and kinks — whatever it may be — there should be no judgment placed on her character. Like anyone, a person’s worth is not dependant on any of these things. Their value of society is not any higher or lower due to these factors.
It’s as simple as that.
So, if you’re focusing your time and energy on topics like figuring out how to stop promiscuity, don’t bother. Focus on something that directly affects you and live your own life. Let other people live theirs.
Is being a slut or being called a slut something that offends you? What are some ways you think are best to stop people from slut-shaming? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
