7 Signs You’re in an Abusive Relationship
CONTENT WARNING: This article contains dialogue on partner abuse and physical and sexual assault.
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The signs of partner abuse are not always obvious, especially when you are facing it first-hand.
Today, we’re talking about seven indicators of an abusive relationship. Whether experiencing one of these things or a combination of multiple, remember: it is possible to leave emotional abuse. It is possible to leave physical abuse. It is possible to leave financial abuse.
They physically assault you
Perhaps the most apparent indication of mistreatment — in terms of visible signs like bruising, cuts, and broken bones — is domestic violence and abuse. Whenever a partner physically assaults you, whether they make you believe that their actions were justified or not, it is assault. From regular shoving, punching or kicking, or beating you over the head with an object, you don’t deserve it. No abuse is ever warranted.
In situations like these, determining how to leave an abusive relationship can be tricky, as you protect yourself from your abuser. You must plan this ahead of time.
They disregard consent during sex
When you are in a committed relationship, consent is critical for any sexual activity. Rape can still occur when dating or married to a person!
This form of partner abuse can include removing or purposely damaging forms of birth control without your knowledge, forcing you to having sex in places you don’t want to (for example, public sex), intimidating you into practices you feel uncomfortable with (perhaps BDSM or mukbangs), and even having sex with you when they have an STI, without your consent or knowledge.
You can learn more about rape and sexual assault on our podcast episode, “Surviving Sexual Violence: An Interview With Leanna Larkin of Reluctant Heroines.”
They emotionally manipulate you
Even if things do not become physically violent, an emotionally abusive relationship is still unacceptable. With love and mental health often being deeply intertwined, significant others must not be manipulative, threatening (even if they do not follow through on these intimidation tactics), humiliating, mock your appearance, nor put down your interests and successes. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
The bottom line is that a person should feel comfortable being vulnerable with their partner without the fear of the things they say being used against them.
They keep you from loved ones
Often, abusers will limit or eliminate their significant other spending time with loved ones, as they do not want them talking about the mistreatment to others. It also makes their victim feel like they are alone and need to rely solely on their partner for their emotional needs. Being with someone who insists on keeping your relationship a secret to control you is also not okay.
Every single aspect of your partnership should feel good.
They do not allow you any alone time
Time spent alone, be it to run errands or to sit with your thoughts in solitude, is crucial for your mental health. Thus, when a partner actively prevents you from even these small acts of self-love and self-care or disallows you from going out on self-dates to get to know yourself better, it’s an instant red flag.
They stalk you
While there are many signs of an unhealthy relationship, a lack of trust is among the basic relationship dealbreakers. Perhaps the most extreme form of this is when a partner begins to follow their significant other, either with or without their knowledge. Where the person is going is not the point — what matters is that they are denied the privacy that we all deserve. This may also take the form of reading your text messages or emails, actively checking up on your social media accounts, or calling into your place of work to keep tabs on you.
When you come to this realization, you might start to consider how to leave the abusive relationship and move forward with your life.
They withhold finances
One of the reasons many people stay in abusive relationships is because they feel that they cannot survive on their own, financially. When a partner withholds finances, especially the earnings of their significant other, that is abuse. When you are not allowed to buy essentials, that’s abuse. Being forced to deposit your paycheque into a bank account that you cannot access is abuse. Being threatened to get kicked out of your home if you leave them is abuse.
However, you can leave emotional abuse. There is always a way out.
Unfortunately, partner abuse is something that many people face. Whether it’s a physically, financially, or emotionally abusive relationship, there is always a way out. This does not have to be your life forever. If you live in Canada, you can contact Ending Violence. For international readers, please see this list of organizations to reach out to in your country.
If you know someone in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, be there for them as much as possible and point them towards the right resources when they seek your assistance. It’s possible, in time, to leave emotional abuse and physical abuse, alike.
What are other signs that you would flag as being domestic violence and abuse? What are your suggestions on how to leave an abusive relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
