The Power of Embracing a Secure Attachment Style
Attachment Theory, coined in the twentieth century, relates to how a child interacts with their parents or caregivers. This is evidenced by key behaviours and how they come to affect their adult attachment. Researchers Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby primarily developed this (over separate studies conducted at different times); while they are generally comparable, Bowlby offered four different attachment patterns, whereas Ainsworth recommended three.
Of the various categories, people typically strive to have a secure attachment style.
Below, you’ll find the signs of secure attachment to help you better determine if you are securely attached to your partner and those in your life and, generally, what a healthy attachment looks like. At the bottom of this article, we’ve also provided a quiz to better help you understand which of the attachment styles you most identify with.
What is a secure attachment style?
This is the most ideal of adult attachment styles, and it usually results in a successful relationship. These people aren’t emotionally attached to others in a way that makes them self-conscious or doubtful of themselves, often due to their parents adequately nurturing their child. In their interactions, a securely attached person feels comfortable, fulfilled, and secure. They can build more meaningful connections since they don’t fear being alone, and their relationships tend to feel more balanced.
It may appear as the ability to confidently create and discuss critical relationship boundaries, feeling comfortable discussing your needs with your spouse, and displaying green flags in one’s behaviour with their significant other. You’ll find you have a better relationship, which is crucial before taking substantial steps with your partner, such as moving in together!
What are the benefits of a healthy attachment?
Attachment psychology suggests that when you feel better about yourself, you feel more confident in your romantic relationships. What more significant benefit could you ask for than a deepened sense of self-love and self-care? When one truly has a secure attachment style, they often know their body better (and love their body), are fully capable of setting healthy relationship boundaries between themselves and their significant other, and know how to make their partner a priority, but not at the expense of themself. These folks can enjoy the benefits of relationship self-care, while never exchanging it for their well-being.
When a securely attached person asks themself, “Am I ready for a relationship?”, they are generally able to answer “yes” or “no” with confidence, as they know themselves so well.
What are the signs of secure attachment?
In addition to experiencing self-confidence and self-love (keep in mind, we all have off days — this does not have to be a 24/7 thing), signs of secure attachment are reflected mainly in one’s ability to maintain open communication. Securely attached people do not aim for the avoidance of closeness and often have better conversations than those of other attachment styles. They’re willing to talk to their partner about their needs, to talk about sex with their partner, and even talking to their partner about their fetishes.
These folks also are comfortable with being alone — whether single or apart from their partner for a given time — and able to trust more quickly. Assumptions about their partner and relationship are not made, but rather, conclusions are drawn from facts.
How can I become more securely attached to my partner?
Of all the attachment styles, a secure attachment style is the best to have; it means that you are trustworthy and comfortable with trusting others, are a talented communicator, and have strong emotional development. To better develop this attachment, remember that it’s okay to be single when all your friends are in relationships when it comes to romance. In fact, it’s okay to be single if you’re just not emotionally ready to date.
During this time, you can get to know yourself better (and strengthen that relationship with yourself) by going on self-dates and regularly practicing self-love exercises.
As you learn about the different attachment styles, you can better determine if yours is secure. There are a handful of various attachment styles, but a healthy attachment is one that everyone should strive for, for their own sake. A firm foundation for a healthy relationship will be set with essential relationship boundaries communicated amidst a comfort in speaking freely.
Unsure of where you fall within the attachment theory? You can find our attachment styles quiz directly below:
Do you have a secure attachment style? What do you think are the most important prerequisites for a healthy attachment? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
