10 Tips to Inject Intimacy Into a Long-Term Relationship

If you’re in a long-term relationship and feel like your sex lacks, then let it be known that you are not alone.

Scientists have discovered that oxytocin, a bonding hormone that helps turn you on, is mostly released during the early stages of a relationship. In fact, the hormone is so strong at the beginning of a relationship that it works like a drug and continuously makes you crave sex. However, as time goes on, there’s a natural decline in the release of this hormone.

That being said, there are ways to boost the release of this hormone and rekindle your sex life. To help make it easier, Pippa Murphy, the sex & relationship expert at condoms.uk, has shared her top 10 tips for rekindling sexual chemistry in a long-term relationship.

1. Focus on smaller acts of touch

As previously mentioned, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released by physical touch; so, naturally, the first step of rekindling your sexual spark is to spend more time touching. However, if you’re going through a dry spell with your partner, it may feel like initiating touch is an impossible task. You should, therefore, focus on smaller acts of touch, such as holding hands, kissing, hugging, or giving a massage. Comparatively, if you feel that you and your partner already have touch covered, try doubling the length of time to release even more oxytocin.

2. Tease for as long as possible to build tension

Your brain is wired is experience more pleasure when the anticipation of a reward goes on for a long period, making foreplay key to sex. If you feel that your partner rushes it, take control of the situation and ask them to slow down. Tell them to relax and spend some time touching them. If they try to touch you, slap their hand away and tell them that you’re in charge for the time being. This way, you can take things at your own pace.

Once they are super excited, simply stop. Allow them to calm down and get again as this will lead to a stronger orgasm.

3. Make time for a life outside of your relationship

Naturally, those in long-term relationships are likely to share similar interests and friends; however, it’s equally important to have a life outside of your relationship. For example, you may have a separate hobby, friends that are not shared, or be part of a group. Actively partaking in these activities will give you something to talk about when you are together and, therefore, make you a more interesting partner.

After all, remember that first-date feeling when you knew nothing about your partner and they seemed so mysterious? It’s important to keep this part of you alive, both for yourself and for them.

4. Prioritize date days or nights every week

You should also go on a date every single week, whether it’s on the weekend or after work. For example, you could try a newly opened cocktail bar, tick off a restaurant you’ve been meaning to try, or buy a takeaway coffee and go for a walk around a park. Whatever you choose, make a pact to not talk about work or mundane topics from your everyday life. Instead, try and impress and excite your partner as if you were on a first date. Discuss how your week’s been, what’s made you laugh, and what your goals or you could even play would you rather.

5. Ask your partner what they find sexy about you

When you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, you may think that you know what your partner finds most sexy about you; however, you could be wrong. Over time, our turn-ons can change as we begin to love the ‘imperfect’ parts of our partner. With this in mind, simply ask your partner what they find sexy about you and do the same for them. Not only will this give you both a confidence boost, but it could also lead to better sex as you accentuate or focus on these things in bed.

After all, the more confident you feel, the better sex you’re likely to have.

6. Have sex the opposite way to what you’re used to

Naturally, having sex the same way for many years is bound to get a little boring so it’s important to actively switch it up. For example, if you normally have sex at night, switch it up and have a quickie during the day. If you always stick to the same positions, buy a sex positions book, and fold the pages of the ones you both want to try. Or perhaps you always have sex in bed. Instead, try doing it on the dining table, in the shower, or on the sofa. All of these small changes can really add some spice to your sex life, and bring out some fantasies you might not have known you craved.

7. Buy lube for its many benefits

Whilst many people believe that lube is strictly for those who suffer from dryness during sex, this certainly isn’t the case and it is actually known to bring a lot of benefits to the bedroom. For example, it can enhance pleasure by creating different sensations like a warming or cooling effect wherever it’s applied. Some lubes can even delay ejaculation, perfect for those who want sex to last longer. Plus, previous studies have shown that lube makes it 50% easier for everyone to orgasm. Need I say more to buy it?

8. Keep your phone out of the bedroom

Another way to improve your sex life is to keep your bedroom a strictly no-phone zone. Suppose you scroll on your phone before bed. In that case, you’re not only impacting your ability to build a deep connection with your partner, but chances are you’re decreasing your ability to get horny by being greeted with a social feed of negative news, ranting, and more. Instead, keep your phone outside of the bedroom and spend the last ten minutes or so before bed getting intimate with your partner – whether that’s through sex or a conversation.

9. Spend time getting yourself sexually excited

Naturally, if you feel sexier, you’ll want more sex so it’s important to set aside some of your own time getting sexually charged. For example, you could take yourself lingerie shopping, read an erotic book, masturbate, watch porn, or a movie that features a lot of sex.

10. Tried all of the above? It’s time to have an honest conversation

If none of the above tactics help bring back the spark, then it’s time to have an honest conversation with your partner. However, make sure to do it the best way. This means outside of the bedroom and not just after you’ve had sex, as this can make your partner second guess themselves.

Also, make sure to not blindside your partner by bringing up your problem out of nowhere. Instead, look for an opportunity that feels natural. For example, if they casually do something around the house that turns you on, tell them. Or perhaps you’re watching a TV show where the characters are having sex, ask your partner what their fantasy is. You should look for a light-hearted conversation opener and go from there.

Finally, you should be extra aware of your language when having a conversation about sex. It’s important to not assign any blame, so make sure to use ‘I’ phrases rather than ‘you’ so that your partner doesn’t feel attacked.