Fetish Friday: Edging and Orgasm Control
‘Kink’ defines all socially deemed ‘unorthodox’ sexual practices that someone is into or takes part in, while ‘fetish’ refers to the focus of their fantasies (including both living beings and inanimate objects). When considering both of these definitions, they are generally looked at as taboo, in terms of prescribed societal norms.
Thankfully, the world is becoming increasingly sex-positive and, as a result, many fetishes and kinks are being ‘normalized.’ That said, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person has is understood; this may be due to varying subcultures potentially branching from a single fetish or kink. Consequently, outsiders can be uncertain of what they entail.
Today, we’re discussing the topic of edging and orgasm control to help eliminate your potential misperceptions and reservations on the subject. In addition, we hope that it will give you a better idea of what it’s like to have this fetish and what someone who takes part in it is into.
What is edging (or orgasm control)?
Edging (also referred to as ‘surfacing,’ ‘peaking,’ and ‘orgasm denial’) is a form of repeatedly bringing yourself or your partner to the brink of climax and then withdrawing stimulation. When done to yourself, it can be accomplished through masturbation. Typically, this is done for the purpose of extending orgasm or to intensify the climax experienced when it finally comes, but it can also be used as a form of BDSM for a Dominant to tease a submissive.
Common misconceptions
Looking to learn a few more things about edging and orgasm control? How about the following:
There’s no ‘correct’ length of time or number of times to go to the edge of climax; it varies from person to person, depending on what feels comfortable to them
While it often helps intensify orgasms, for some folx, edging can weaken them
The belief that orgasm denial can cause delayed ejaculation or ruin a person’s ability to have an orgasm altogether is false
How to talk about it with your partner
When talking to your partner about your kinks and fetishes, it’s crucial to be open and honest. In the case of orgasm control, explain what it is that you hope to get out of it. For example, are you looking to incorporate it into sexual play as a way to tease one another, or are you hoping to extend orgasm for added pleasure? Perhaps it’s a different reason altogether — don’t be afraid to be candid.
Things to try
To bring yourself to the edge of orgasm, you can use various methods and (if you’re looking to switch things up) can alternate between any of them. In addition to penetrative sex with a penis or sex toy in the vagina or anus, forms of foreplay can also be explored — fellatio, handjobs, cunnilingus, and fingering to the point of near-climax before pulling away and starting over again.
Are there risks to consider?
There are no inherent risks to the act of edging itself, but when it comes to any sexual act, everyone involved should consider the optimal methods for preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Should pregnancy be a concern for anyone involved, selecting a birth control option that feels comfortable for all is also an important consideration.
When using toys as part of your play, remember to properly clean and care for your sex toys to ensure the utmost safety in the moment and during future uses.
How can I learn more?
Because every person’s body is different, the best way to learn about orgasm control and orgasm denial is by experimenting with varying techniques on your or your partner’s bodies. While blogs and online forums can offer great insight into what other people have tried and succeeded with, keep in mind that what worked for them might not work for you, and vice versa — and that’s okay!
We hope you have a deeper understanding of what both orgasm denial and extending orgasm are and what it takes for someone to enjoy these things thoroughly. Should the topic come up down the road, we anticipate that you will feel ready to speak about it more candidly from a place of knowledge, while free from judgement. Whether it’s feeling open to further understanding the fetish from someone who engages in it first-hand or educating someone who may be closed off to the idea, we feel that we have done our job to help make the world a more sexually inclusive place.
Have you ever incorporated edging or orgasm control into your sexual routine? Do you ever use orgasm denial for the purpose of extending orgasm during intercourse? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
