Fetish Friday: Hotwifing
The word ‘kink’ is used to describe socially deemed ‘non-conventional’ practises that a person takes part in or fantasizes about, while ‘fetish’ refers to the object of their sexual fantasies. This can be a living being or an inanimate object. When considering both definitions, they are often looked at as off-limits, in terms of prescribed societal norms.
Thankfully, our world is becoming increasingly sex-positive, resulting in many fetishes and kinks now being looked at as ‘normal.’ That said, not every fetish (or fetishes) that a person has is understood, potentially due to varying subcultures that often branch from a single kink or fetish. As a result, outsiders may be uncertain about what it entails.
Today, we’re delving into the topic of hotwifing (in terms of consensual non-monogamy) to help quash any misperceptions and reservations you may have on the subject. We hope that it’ll give you a better idea of what it’s like to experience this kink, and what someone who takes part in it is into.
What is a hotwife?
Put simply, a hotwife is a married woman who pursues sexual relationships with multiple people other than her husband. Arguably, the term can be used for anyone who identifies as a woman in a polyamorous relationship with her partner, regardless of their gender identity. Either way, the married partner has full knowledge of their wife’s sexual pursuits and gives their full consent to it.
Common misconceptions
Hotwifing does not necessarily equate to cuckolding, and while erotic humiliation (or some aspects of humiliation) may come into play for the spouse, they’re not the same. While cucks are often submissive and crave a sense of shame for arousal, hotwifing typically brings to life a spouse’s fantasies of thinking about or explicitly watching their wife have sex with other partners. Often, they even feel a great sense of power because of it!
How to talk about it with your partner
Whether your the wife or spouse having fantasies of hotwifing, it’s essential to talk to your partner about your kinks and fetishes. Be clear on what you are hoping for and what aspect(s) of this fetish turn you on. How will your partner be involved? How will you be involved?
Remember, hotwifing is an act of consensual non-monogamy, meaning that your partner should be fully on board with everything involved in making this fantasy a reality.
Things to try
The fact is, hotwifing is pretty straightforward, with the only variation being that the spouse is watching their wife have sex with another partner or that they are not present in the room, but they know that it is happening. That said, for couples testing the waters of hotwifing, there’s the option of watching ethical pornographies depicting a hotwife and even having a threesome, where the partner still has some involvement in the sexual situation.
Are there risks to consider?
With consensual non-monogamy, like any time you decide to sleep with someone new, it’s essential to do what you can to prevent STIs while considering your birth control options (if that is a concern to anyone involved). Get clear, enthusiastic consent from all parties, be clear on what will be okay to do and what will not, and, if anything pushing into a ‘grey zone,’ communicate your concerns. Have a safe word as well, just in case!
How can I learn more?
One of the best ways to learn more about hotwifing, including getting answers to your questions, is talking to folks who are already doing it. Whether in face-to-face conversations with someone local or online with a couple far away, there are many things to learn that come with experience. Internet resources such as blogs and online communities can be a great place to peruse comments and previously answered questions others have had, too.
We hope you now have a fuller understanding of what hotwifing, including what is involved with folks who enjoy this kinky aspect of consensual non-monogamy. This includes having a greater understanding of how you can enjoy it yourself in a polyamorous relationship!
Should the topic come up in the future, we hope that you will feel more open to speaking about it with confidence and knowledge. Whether it’s being open to further understanding the kink from someone who engages in it themselves or educating someone who may be closed off to the idea, we feel that we have done our job to help make the world a more sexually inclusive place.
Is having a hotwife in a polyamorous relationship something you’d be turned on by? If you’ve experienced hotwifing before, did you enjoy it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
