CONTENT WARNING: This article contains dialogue on rape, sexual assault, and abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

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While ‘kink’ refers to the socially deemed ‘unorthodox’ practices that a person takes part in or is into, the word ‘fetish’ describes the object of their sexual fantasies (living beings or inanimate objects). When considering either definition, both are often regarded as off-limits in terms of prescribed societal norms.

Thankfully, the world has become increasingly sex-positive, resulting in many fetishes and kinks being ‘normalized.’ That said, not every fetish (or fetishes) a person has is understood, possibly due, in part, to varying subcultures that can branch from a single fetish or kink. As a result, outsiders can be left feeling uncertain of what they entail.

Today, we’ll be delving into the topic of consensual non-consent to role-play sexual assault and rape (also known as ‘rape play’), to help eliminate your potential misperceptions and reservations on the subject. We hope that it will give you a better idea of what it’s like to have this fetish and what someone who takes part in it is into.

What is consensual non-consent?

Consensual non-consent (CNC) is a part of BDSM, whereby one or more people will give consent to not consenting to their sexual partner. Today, we’re exploring it in terms of rape play, or simulated sexual assault and rape. This can be a random scenario (for example, a house break-in) where a victim is attacked or acting out an abusive relationship where one partner is forced into having sex.

Common misconceptions

While the following statements may be factual for some individuals who have a consensual non-consent fetish, they cannot be used as a blanket statement for everyone who enjoys BDSM role-playing scenarios of sexual assault and rape:

When done between couples, they share an abusive relationship
The role-playing rapist would non-consensually rape someone if given the chance
Anyone willingly involved in a consensual non-consent fetish was abused in their childhood and are stuck reliving their trauma

How to talk about it with your partner

It can sometimes be challenging to talk to your partner about sex, let alone speak to them about your kinks and fetishes. However, exploring your desires and living your most sexually fulfilled life is essential and thus, it becomes crucial to speak openly about what you want. Describe your fantasies to your partner and explain how they would fit into the situation if they agreed to partake in consensual non-consent.

Of course, you should answer all questions openly and honestly and respect their decision, regardless of the conclusion they come to.

Things to try

We cannot stress enough the importance of getting clear, enthusiastic, and completely un-coerced consent from every single party involved. Once this has been clearly established, you may consider pretend house break-in situations, an act of sexual abuse between partners, or faking a drastic age difference with a minor, as part of infantilism and age play.

Be clear on what will happen before proceeding, so everyone knows what to expect.

Are there risks to consider?

As with any sexual situation where those involved have consented to the word “no” being disregarded, there must be an alternate safe word in place to protect the role-playing victim of the simulated rape. Should they want to stop at any point, speaking this designated word means that everyone involved must stop the scene immediately. In instances where the role-played victim is gagged or has their mouth obstructed, we highly recommend having a non-verbal safe ‘word’ (action or cue).

How can I learn more?

To learn more about possible scenarios you can act out, as well as more information on safe words and carrying out these fantasies safely, we suggest looking at dedicated kink websites, online forums and threads, and reaching out to your local sex club or BDSM dungeon. These folx can be a wealth of information and help safely bring your fantasies to life!

We hope you now have a fuller understanding of what consensual non-consent is, and what it means to role-play a sexual assault or rape. This includes what is involved in the fetish and why the (simulated) situation may arouse some folks.

Should the topic come up in the future, we anticipate that you will feel more open to speaking about it from a place of knowledge, free from judgement. Whether it’s feeling open to further understand the fetish from someone who engages in it first-hand or educating someone who may be closed off to the idea, we feel that we have done our job to help make the world a more sexually inclusive place.

Would you be interested in exploring consensual non-consent in BDSM? Is role-playing an abusive relationship, including scenes of sexual assault and rape, a fetish that would be off the table for you or something you might thrive on, sexually? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

Fetish Friday: Consensual Non-Consent