Connection and Intimacy: A Conversation With Jeremiah Eyster of Coupe
Jeremiah Eyster (he/him) is the designer and founder of Coupe, a sex and relationships brand built for close couples. It’s likely not news to you that love and sex excite, inspire, and drive creativity. These connections are central to who we are as humans.
We, as a species, go beyond just sex for mating. We indulge in copious additional sex to enrich our intimate connections. The bottom line? It’s important to us. So, how can we strengthen our bond with our partners? How do we foster emotional intimacy? How does one even go about launching a start-up company in the sex industry?
Today, Jeremiah sits down with us to talk about all these things and more.
Here is the transcript of our podcast interview below. You can also stream the audio podcast here!
Between Our Thighs: Jeremiah Eyster is the designer and founder of Coupe, a sex and relationships brand built for close couples. It’s likely not news to you that love and sex excite, inspire, and drive creativity. These connections are central to who we are as humans.
We, as a species, go beyond just sex for mating. We indulge in copious additional sex to enrich our intimate connections. The bottom line? It’s important to us. So, how can we strengthen our bond with our partners? How do we foster emotional intimacy? How does one even go about launching a start-up company in the sex industry?
Today, Jeremiah sits down with us to talk about all these things and more.
Welcome Jeremiah, to the Between Our Thighs Podcast!
Jeremiah Eyster: Thank you.
BOT: How are you doing?
Jeremiah: Doing well, doing well.
BOT: Did you want to tell us a little bit about yourself, where you're located, what you do?
Jeremiah: Right now, I'm located in the Columbus, Ohio area.
BOT: Okay.
Jeremiah: I graduated with a degree in product design, industrial design. So, working on physical products and kind of how they relate to society and making sure that they have great user experience, [are] user-friendly, and have a good context in the world.
Yeah, so I formed this start-up, Coupe, out of that [and] out of my desire to create products that are really socially-relevant and have a great user experience. I had this entrepreneurial passion, so that's where I find myself and why I'm here chatting with you right now.
BOT: That's awesome! What inspired you to start Coupe, specifically?
Jeremiah: I really just wanted to jump into entrepreneurship. I was also kind of, at the time, struggling to — I don't know — find a job that I was fully happy with, in the corporate world.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: So, I wanted to simultaneously explore entrepreneurship and taking a different kind of role. I started Coupe, really from a business kind of mindset. I specialize in physical products and the world of physical products has just been around for a long time. A lot of development, right now, happens in the digital world. If I were to design, let's say, a blender or toaster or washing machine or a car... the list goes on. It's been innovated upon for decades and decades.
BOT: Yep.
Jeremiah: You can make it WiFi or something, but it's like, "Why?" Is that really necessary?
BOT: [Laughs] Yeah.
Jeremiah: So, I was really exploring what I can get myself into, where there's really a frontier. Something that's really moving, where there's a lot of work to be done and a lot of opportunities in the sex industry and kind of in culture in general, society has really just come into broad acceptance of having technology in the bedroom, in a sexual context.
Some have been on it for a while, some are still not there, but it's really a blossoming area, so I started there. Yeah, and it's something that is just personally exciting, also. A whole bunch of factors came together. I realized it would be a good idea, so I went for it.
BOT: That's brilliant! Do you find that there are entrepreneurial advantages for anybody that is hoping to work in the sex-based industry?
Jeremiah: Yeah, so like I said, it's just a new frontier. There are so many opportunities, and then something else I've found through doing this is that when it comes to sexuality, [people] I feel are a little more open to new ideas and new technology, new brands, whereas [in] a lot of other fields, they're really bought out by a few brands.
I think that that's because sexuality is kind of like a form of play, of adult play.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: And that's how we as people explore and find new things. It's just a natural area where people are looking for new technology, new brands, things to experiment with.
I have seen some studies on different ways of monetizing digital content and different technologies — a lot of them start with sexuality and start with pornography, interestingly.
BOT: Yep.
Jeremiah: If you want to see what's going to happen next, as far as monetizing or anything like that, it seems to happen in the world of sexuality. I really think that's because people are in their play mindset, they're open to new things or seeking new things. So, it's an awesome place to go to provide something new, as an entrepreneur.
BOT: That's great. Have there been any entrepreneurial struggles that you've faced on this journey?
Jeremiah: Yeah, I've faced a lot. I've had times where I'm working with a freelancer, say — I was working on a product for a while that incorporated a microchip and I was hiring freelancers to do that.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: I went through two freelancers and it wasn't until the third one where, you know, the third one was the charm and I was able to progress and get through with that.
Upwork is just — I don't know if you've ever used Upwork.
BOT: Yeah, yeah. [Laughs]
Jeremiah: Yeah, it's just kind of, I don't know, a man-eat-man world or something. You go on there and there's no accountability. Someone, they did work for me, and sent me everything that I needed, but did the bare minimum and then just left the platform, left Upwork.
BOT: Oh, no!
Jeremiah: I went to have this circuit board made and the manufacturers were like, "What? This makes no sense. We can't make this." They were showing me why and this person deleted their account, so... There's always complications.
I had to change brand names a few times. You know, this is a learning process, so I didn't do enough research and had to change a couple times.
Then, recently, a big struggle was [that] I did a crowdfunding campaign and did not meet the goal.
BOT: Oh.
Jeremiah: Yeah, but was able to create the product anyway, and it's available on Couple's website, so...
BOT: And that's the Between [Clean] Sheets candle, which smells divine, by the way!
Jeremiah: Yeah, [laughs] thank you.
BOT: You're welcome.
Jeremiah: I ordered quite a few fragrances and shared them with the people I knew, and mixed fragrances until I found a winner. It seems pretty universally liked, I appreciate that.
BOT: It's great! I have it going at night when my partner is with me, but I also sometimes just light it when I'm working at my desk, because it just smells so nice! [Laughs]
Jeremiah: Oh, nice!
BOT: It keeps the room smells really nice, as well.
Jeremiah: Oh, good.
BOT: Where do you think the industry is heading now?
Jeremiah: This is where I start getting excited here! So, I've actually done research, poked around the internet, looked through forums, and just, I keep up with different sexuality brands, sex toy brands. Something I think that's awesome, that's happening is making sex tech more beautiful, more well-designed, less stigmatizing.
Different people have their different tastes, but some toys, they've just got weird things sticking off all over the place and strange colours, and it just looks like something — I don't know, a weird contraption. A lot of people aren't into that and it's nice to see it being brought into different forms, where you can have it on your nightstand or just the form of it, you don't feel ashamed.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: A couple brands, I think, that do that well: Lelo's really great.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: Crave, they're famous for the Vesper necklace. Also, another thing that's great is just pushing the message of self-acceptance, sexual acceptance, and creating that culture and reducing shame around sexuality.
BOT: For sure.
Jeremiah: And then, at the same time, there's something that, when I really dug in and I did research, I started looking in forums and where people had asked "What is the next big thing when it comes to sexuality and sex tech?" A lot of people, their answer was virtual reality, augmented reality, sex robots, all this sci-fi stuff. We're kind of on the cusp of that happening.
BOT: Yeah, yeah.
Jeremiah: AI [artificial intelligence]... and so, I thought about that and I think that it's a little bit dangerous and something that we need to be careful of, when it goes down that route. There's this part of the sex industry where, I'd say, instead of augmenting and helping and improving real-world relationships, it's trying to make pornography more real, or fantasy more real.
BOT: Yes.
Jeremiah: There's only so far that that can go before you completely split from reality.
BOT: Yep.
Jeremiah: Yeah, it's taking the internet rabbit holes and... I'm afraid that some people, you can [get] so deep into a rabbit hole and you just want it to be real, and instead of changing your desires and perceptions and expectations, that could lead to people changing what reality is [by] spending time in virtual reality.
BOT: While it's a really cool concept and it's interesting to see how technology is progressing, it also creates that disconnect from the real world.
Jeremiah: Mhmm, exactly. I think that you could make a sex robot more and more and more like real-life.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: And you can try to take out the complexities of human relationships and the difficulties, but I don't think it's ever going to be satisfying, because there's a part of human relationships that are messy and people are different. It really sharpens you, it really... you have to change things about yourself, polish those rough edges, in order to really get along with someone.
Yeah, I think I really want to see natural, real-world relationships valued and progress.
BOT: And that's what makes relationships beautiful, is that imperfection.
Jeremiah: Mhmm, exactly.
BOT: You conducted an anonymous survey about sexuality a while ago, of, I think it was 130 people?
Jeremiah: Mhmm.
BOT: What did you find the most interesting out of that study?
Jeremiah: Something I found really interesting was, I was interviewing relationship therapists, sex therapists, and my thought was [that] I wanted to create some real value in Coupe's social media and not just be promoting products, but really be giving to the community. Some free value.
I was thinking, if you go to one of those therapists by yourself, you're paying a hundred and fifty dollars a session or something like that. How great would it be to make some of those insights free? So, I interviewed therapists, put it up on Coupe's social media, and just got very few watches, very few responses. It was kind of strange.
And then I did the survey and I was asking people questions about where do they get their relationship knowledge and wisdom and advice [from]. I gave probably ten different options and, very last on the list, was 'professional advice.'
BOT: Oh, my goodness.
Jeremiah: Yeah, and then I asked [as an option], also, "I would be willing to pay to see a sex therapist or a relationship therapist" or "I would watch free videos of a therapist" and they ranked so low! Interestingly, what ranked the highest for where people get their relationship knowledge, is personal experience.
BOT: [Laughs]
Jeremiah: So, yeah. I think the most difficult thing is just, as soon as you put the word 'therapist' in there, it's very stigmatizing and it feels very clinical. I think people want to be, almost, in that romanticized mindset, so it's a little bit of a conflict there.
BOT: And it's a shame.
Jeremiah: Yeah, yeah, it is a bit. Just when I interviewed the sex therapist that I was able to meet with, her name is Melanie Ricaurte. This was in Maryland. It's still up on YouTube and Instagram.
BOT: Oh, okay.
Jeremiah: Just from being there in the room and listening, there were a few things she said, where I was like, "Aha! Wow! This makes sense for my own relationship." I was going in just hoping to create content for others and it was impactful for me. Once you get over that barrier of the stigma, it's just amazing. There's insights you can get from someone who talks to people about relationships day in, day out. Education aside, if you're devoting your whole career to that, [you've] got some great insights.
BOT: Yeah, for sure, and personally, I think everybody should try therapy. Not just for relationships, but for yourself. You can apply the information and the knowledge that you learn about yourself to your relationships, as well.
Jeremiah: Mhmm, definitely, yeah. Currently, I'm actually... my girlfriend and I are really getting close to marriage, so we're going through pre-marital counselling. It's just really good, there's a lot to gain and learn. It's really healthy.
BOT: Yeah, congratulations!
Jeremiah: Yeah, thank you, thank you!
BOT: You're welcome.
Jeremiah: Something that was interesting, I asked people what kind of couple they would be most likely to envy.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: Which, I was, personally, fascinated and wanted to ask this question, but it's really relevant when I'm trying to market and create an image and find what people are seeking, so...
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: I asked what they [would] envy. Some of the options were "couples who were wealthier than average," "couples who are more fit," or... I forget, I had a big list. The winner of that, by far, was "couples who are emotionally close and connected."
BOT: That makes sense.
Jeremiah: It makes sense, it does, it does. I also asked, later in the survey, "how emotionally close do you think you are as a couple?"
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: Couples ranked themselves very high on that, so found that really interesting because almost everyone, what they want most, is that emotional closeness and, at the same time, everyone sees themselves as emotionally close.
I don't think that's a contradiction because you can be close, but always be striving to be closer.
BOT: Yeah, for sure.
Jeremiah: Yeah, I found that really beautiful and I really worked that into Coupe's messaging. That's kind of the goal and that's based on what people really want.
BOT: That's great. Did you have any other findings that you thought were interesting?
Jeremiah: Something that surprised me was [that] I assumed that — I feel that sex toys are marketed more towards singles than they are towards couples, so I thought that people might view sex toys as being a single person thing and I wanted to get at that stigma and see if that stigma exists. When I asked questions like "rank how true this is: sex toys are for single people or sex toys are for couples," I just kept getting on those questions, that people are really comfortable with sex toys being for couples. It's something that people value in their relationship and see as a healthy thing.
I also asked questions about jealousy. Do people feel jealous? I've read this and heard this, that some people think that it feels like their partner is cheating on them or something.
BOT: Yeah, me too.
Jeremiah: That just didn't surface in the survey. People who took the survey didn't seem to show [or] indicate any jealousy going either way. They didn't think that their partner was jealous of them and they didn't feel jealous of their partner. So, that was a really great thing, I think that's a really positive find.
BOT: Yeah, that's good to know.
Jeremiah: Those are the main interesting findings.
BOT: That's awesome! In what ways do you think couples are preventing themselves from being more connection-oriented?
Jeremiah: I think the sex industry does a worse job at this than general culture, but I think there's a tendency to focus on pleasure instead of love and connection. It's really important to value pleasure very highly, and it's a very important thing in our lives, but when you make that the focus instead of the process, I believe that problems can result. It's not as natural of a way to live.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: There's this analogy that I discovered from this author Viktor Frankl.
BOT: Oh, I love him, yeah.
Jeremiah: He's quoted so much.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: You can just go on Pinterest and look at famous quotes something, [and] he'll just show up over and over.
BOT: Yeah!
Jeremiah: But he compares, in a book that he has, that if you strive for pleasure, it's almost like smiling for a photograph. If you tell people to smile and they're not feeling happy, and you get them to force a smile, the photo always ends up... you know, you can tell it's kind of a cheesy, forced smile. It just doesn't quite work.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: So, you're still smiling, you're still focusing on the smiling, but it's not as fulfilling or natural as if you do things that bring you joy. As soon as you try to force that smile, the joy kind of decreases.
So, his analogy is if you're focusing on pleasure instead of loving your partner or loving yourself, it's like forcing a smile. To really focus on that love or that connection, you're going to find a lot more pleasure than if you focused on pleasure alone.
BOT: Yeah, for sure, and it makes sense.
Jeremiah: It does, yeah. Yeah, I think that's true with a lot of things. If you focus on yourself and that tangible result, instead of that undercurrent of meaning behind it, you're going to go astray.
BOT: Do you find that that's something you always inherently knew from the time you were younger or is that something you learned as you were growing up?
Jeremiah: Yeah, I think that my upbringing helped to form this view. So, my parents met in seminary, which is the word for 'pastor school,' basically.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: So, I was raised Christian with Christian ideals for sex and relationships my whole life. A lot of people who weren't raised that way can see that as something that's very oppressive, but I feel that that's only oppressive when there's not that grace there. When you don't allow yourself to make mistakes.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: When that creates a huge amount of pressure in someone's life, that's when it gets ugly, but really, I feel that most Christians really value sex and it's in a different way than the secular community. They value sex so much that they see it as something to really save and keep for one person; marriage is a whole celebration ceremony about it and it's just so much. Sex is just, really, really valued. I kind of was raised with that view of sexuality and kind of putting the relational aspects first.
I've made my share of mistakes with that, but it's just been an undercurrent and this ideal that I still kind of hold. I think that finds its way, definitely, into the relational focus of Coupe.
BOT: [Do] you find that that influenced your overall goals of Coupe?
Jeremiah: Yeah, in Christianity, there's this focus on making really conscious decisions about sex [and] not just following whims. That kind of relates to foregoing pleasure in itself in favour of this more long-term fulfillment. Pleasure becomes the bi-product, instead of the focus.
I believe, like I said, when pleasure isn't the focus, there's more pleasure to be had.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: That kind of led into that mindset. Then, I found myself, when I was — because I was personally passionate about this — when I was forming the brand, I struggled because I thought, "If I just say, 'Focusing on pleasure is bad,' or something like that, it's [going to] come off as just a personal belief."
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: "Like, how do I really ground this?" I struggled with that for a while, until I encountered... I go and do research on sexuality a lot because of this brand, but I discovered a scientific explanation for this, where it really rings true — scientifically, also — and that discovery is that humans are actually more sexual than animals are.
The reason that humans are more sexual than animals, and scientists don't fully know, but this is their best hypothesis: it's because we're social. It's because we're social creatures and we see this also in chimps and dolphins and other really social animals. Sex becomes something that's not just for reproduction. If it's only for reproduction, it's not needed as often.
BOT: Yup.
Jeremiah: It only fulfills that purpose and then, you know, like [with] animals, "Mating season is done. Okay."
BOT: [Laughs] "Off you go!"
Jeremiah: [Laughs] "Come back in six months!"
BOT: Yeah. [Laughs]
Jeremiah: But humans and other social animals, we've kind of hijacked the chemical response to [the] sexuality of connection, where we use this to our advantage, we use this to create bonds and express love toward each other.
It's cool, because you think of animals... There's songs and there's lots of stuff in media where animals are made out to be so sexual. "To be an animal in bed" or something like that.
BOT: Yeah, yeah!
Jeremiah: Yeah, but it's not true. It's the opposite. So, it's our social bonds, it's our love for each other, it's the things that we normally think of that make us human that makes us also very sexual.
BOT: What does your family think about what you're doing now, as your career?
Jeremiah: So, some of my family members, they don't know that I'm doing this. [Laughs]
BOT: Okay. [Laughs]
Jeremiah: I have to kind of judge who [or] what level of acceptance I expect someone to be on.
BOT: Yeah. [Laughs]
Jeremiah: Yeah, and it's interesting though, because sometimes, there are some people who I've told and I'm like, "They are going to judge me so hard," and they just instantly accept it. Then, there's other who I think they're going to accept it, and I tell them I'm doing a sexuality brand, and they're like, "What?"
You know, it's funny. People's views of sexuality don't necessarily correlate to what kind of person they are outside of that.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: But, yeah. I've told my mom and she tolerates it, but she's told me, "Oh, you did all of your education and all these years of school and what are you doing? You're making dildos?"
BOT: [Laughs]
Jeremiah: Which I'm not, that's not exactly what I'm doing [chuckles], but you know, it's funny. She still accepts me, but yeah, it's hard for some people to be on board. I continue on, anyway. I hear their advice, but I feel very passionate about this, so I keep going.
BOT: You've got to take things with a grain of salt, sometimes.
Jeremiah: Mhmm.
BOT: These personal friends and family's opinions aside, how do you think Coupe is going to continue to grow in the future?
Jeremiah: There's this maintenance thing of continuing to raise brand awareness that I've been working on and am going to continue working on. My goal is to really do that by putting out content that's free and super valuable to people. Things that are share-worthy not because they're promotional, but because it just naturally brings benefit to people's lives.
I'm continuing to learn about who my audience is as it grows and learn about what people are seeking, what people need when it comes to relationships and sexuality.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: It's hard to — I've done the anonymous surveys, but it's really hard to — you can't just go out on the streets and ask those questions.
BOT: [Laughs] I know, which is a shame!
Jeremiah: It is, it is! It's even harder to ask people who you're close to sometimes. It's hard to get that information. You sound like you've had your own experience with that.
BOT: Yep [laughs]. I've asked people and they're like, "Jeez, again you're asking me these question?"
Jeremiah: [Laughs] Yeah.
BOT: Well, research! [Laughs]
Jeremiah: It's super important though, because you need information in order to help people.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: If someone's listening to this and you're someone who — you're open to sharing...
BOT: Reach out to us.
Jeremiah: Yeah, both of us. Yeah, just CC both of our emails and we'd love this.
BOT: We want to hear what you have to say.
Jeremiah: Yes, and it's for your benefit and for the benefit of all.
BOT: Exactly.
Jeremiah: [Laughs]
BOT: So, do you have any ideas for new products and stuff in the future?
Jeremiah: Yeah, I do, and the challenge with that is being a startup, trying to find products [and] product ideas that are really innovative, but at the same time, cost-effective to produce that don't require me to sign the whole business away for funding.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: Yeah, or empty my whole life savings. It's a juggling act and I am always taking in information and merging that with business needs and technical needs and all these things to try to create the next thing. I have plans.
Sometime this week, I'm going to get a whole bunch of Post-it Notes. This is something I learned in my design education. Going to get a whole bunch of Post-it Notes and just fill a wall.
BOT: That's so cool.
Jeremiah: Everything I know about relationships that I've learned so far, about products, about everything I can, and start making the detective map. I'm not going to go and get red strings or anything, but...
BOT: [Laughs] That's all that's missing.
Jeremiah: Yeah, but I'm going to really create a web and start pouring through where to go next, because I just released the Coupe candle.
Some of the previous ideas that I had, it was just too expensive to produce, so [I'm] trying to find that thing that comes next, product-wise.
BOT: yeah, that niche, that balance that's making it worthwhile for you to produce and also worthwhile for the consumer to purchase.
Jeremiah: Exactly, yeah, and that area where it's inexpensive to produce and something that people would really want. Because it's inexpensive, there's a low barrier to entry there; it's hard to find things that haven't already been done when you're doing something that's inexpensive, but I believe in my brainstorming capabilities, so I'm really looking forward to pouring back into that.
BOT: And you can do something that's similar, but just way better.
Jeremiah: Yes, mhmm, mhmm, definitely.
BOT: At the end of the day, if you have the better product, people are going to go to you and prefer to get the product from you.
Jeremiah: Right, that is definitely a thing, and most innovations, they're kind of iterative. They're just small improvements made on previous innovations.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: Yeah, most likely, whatever I do next, is going to be something like that, because it's just the way it works.
BOT: And these new products are going to be intimacy- and connection-focused, as well?
Jeremiah: Definitely, mhmm. So, that's the thread through all of this: whatever I produce, that's going to be a component.
BOT: That's brilliant.
How do you think that we can begin shifting the conversation and promoting more intimacy- and connection-centred relationships between couples?
Jeremiah: The current message I see is just pleasure, pleasure, pleasure is what's pushed. I think that works for selling; it works for selling products and sex toys and gets people curious.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: But should we be doing this?
BOT: Yep.
Jeremiah: It's kind of how it's framed. So, selling those products, it's not wrong, but I like to think about 'why.' Why do you want this? Why do you need this? What purpose does this serve in your life?
Pleasure is very important in itself, but I think it's really cool to focus on what happens beyond that. I think that means really valuing pleasure because it's important, but not making it the ultimate thing and that kind of goes back to the Viktor Frankl analogy. Pleasure is even better when it's not the ultimate thing; it's something you go through to love yourself and someone else.
BOT: On that note, sometimes this shame and fear [is] associated with allowing ourselves to feel pleasure from these intimate connections. How do you, in your opinion, think that we can remove that shame and that guilt and that fear that's associated with sex to feel all of those good things?
Jeremiah: I, personally, and not very shamed, or less than most people. I'm doing what I'm doing, you know. [Laughs]
BOT: Yep!
Jeremiah: I'm on a podcast right now talking about sex, you know.
BOT: I feel you! [Laughs]
Jeremiah: Sometimes, I look at other people being ashamed, and I'm like, "Why? This is great! This is a great part of life!" So, it's hard sometimes to understand when someone is really ashamed, but there have been times in my life, just growing up in a Christian household. I think a lot of the shame comes from moral or religious expectations.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: I remember being expected not to lust or not to delve into sexual fantasy or pornography or all that.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: I really valued that message, but found myself unable to fully commit to doing what I wanted to do, when it came to that.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: I think I experienced some shame when it came to that and I suspect [with] other people, that might be where it really comes from. I reached this point where it was the more I tried to do what I ultimately wanted to do [and] tried to be 'good,' the worse I got. The more I did the things I didn't want to do.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: It was only after I just accepted myself. I was like, "Okay. It's okay to not want to do this, but if I do something I don't want to do, I accept myself. It's okay. I still love myself." That really opened up this — it burst that shame a lot for me.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: That's something really important for people if they struggle with the morality aspect.
I think there's this other track that people take sometimes, where if they have a moral conflict, they take the route of, "Well, there's this conflict and I feel shame. I don't want to feel that shame, so I'm going to decide that anything I do is okay."
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: I think that's dangerous too, because everyone has — whatever you limit is — pretty much everyone has a limit, where it's like, "That's not okay."
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: Like with consent or something.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: It's just, there's some point where it's not okay and I think it's really good to value sex by thinking of it in a moral context and applying morality to it. If you fail at your own morality, to still love yourself and still be gracious to yourself.
BOT: Mhmm and with Between Our Thighs, our ultimate goal is sex-positivism. So, of course, the idea of sex-positivity takes on a different meaning to each individual person. What does it mean to you?
Jeremiah: So, I think sex-positivism is valuing sex and valuing yourself and, if you have a partner, it's valuing your partner, as well. I like to compare sexuality to food because food is something that's not stigmatized like sexuality is and it's something that's sustaining for us.
BOT: Mhmm.
Jeremiah: I really wish that people were able to see sexuality almost like food. You want to enjoy the experience — that's being positive about it. Enjoying the meal, savouring every bite, that's how sexuality should be. At the same time, you shouldn't go to McDonald's every day, so valuing the experience of eating and valuing food means doing things that are good for you when it comes to that. Making conscious decisions and valuing yourself enough to eat every day or however often you need to just, you know... [laughs].
BOT: [Laughs] To nourish and sustain your body.
Jeremiah: [Laughs] I'm not saying that people need to have sex every day, that's not what I'm saying, but you know.
BOT: [Laughs]
Jeremiah: But value what your body is telling you. Value that form of sustenance and not feel ashamed because of it. Also, make conscious, healthy decisions.
BOT: The same way you would approach intuitive eating.
Jeremiah: 'Intuitive eating'? Could you explain?
BOT: Intuitive eating is when you're hungry, you eat [and] when you're not hungry, you don't eat. So, instead of saying "I have to eat now" or "I shouldn't eat now" and following strict diets, you just eat when your body is telling you that it needs the nourishment and the sustenance.
Jeremiah: Groundbreaking.
BOT: [Laughs]
Jeremiah: I've never heard of this, actually. It makes sense.
BOT: When my friend informed me and educated me on intuitive eating, I was like, "Why aren't we all just doing this? This makes the most sense."
Jeremiah: Yeah, it does. It doesn't make sense to restrict ourselves to three meals a day.
BOT: Yeah.
Jeremiah: Interesting. Your body knows what it needs! It's telling you.
BOT: Exactly, exactly.
Jeremiah: It makes perfect sense.
BOT: And how do you think that somebody could be more sex-positive, on that note? How can they 'intuitively eat' better? [Laughs]
Jeremiah: So, if you're going out for a meal with someone, who are you eating with? Who are you spending your time with? Are they a positive influence in your life? Is it good? Same as [asking yourself] who are you having sex with? How healthy are you eating? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating Pop-Tarts every day?
Sometimes, you can eat just to not feel hungry.
BOT: Yup!
Jeremiah: Or you eat to enjoy eating and savour eating. So, I think that's an important part. Sexuality, it's not just because you need to erase that urge or relieve the tension. It's like, enjoy this, you know? Make it important.
BOT: For sure. Do you have any concluding thoughts that you'd like to leave us with?
Jeremiah: I'd like to just say thanks [so much] for having me on the podcast.
BOT: No problem.
Jeremiah: I really value what you're doing with Between Our Thighs and I see the sex-positivity in what you're producing.
BOT: Thank you so much.
Jeremiah: I want more people to go to your site. I think that it would be great, it would really help a lot.
BOT: Thank you. Did you want to tell us your social handles, your website, so that people can go and visit you, as well?
Jeremiah: Yeah, if you go to the website, you can pretty much be linked to everything else. It's CoupeCouple.com (and Coupe is spelled C-O-U-P-E, like the kind of car).
BOT: Mhmm!
Jeremiah: And, just a reminder, if you have any responses or insights to what were saying here or you're someone who's not ashamed to share your view of sexuality, we would love to hear from you — both of us. Yeah, please share. [Laughs]
BOT: We would love it!
Jeremiah: And join our email lists.
BOT: Yes!
Jeremiah: And that newsletter.
BOT: You'll get lots of awesome information coming your way.
Jeremiah: Yes.
BOT: Alright, thank you so much, Jeremiah, for joining us. I really appreciate it. I really love the message you're sharing, the products that you have. Just everything — everything surrounding Coupe.
Jeremiah: Thank you so much.
