Healthy Masturbation: What Does This Relationship Look Like?

Let’s talk about something personal, intimate, and often shrouded in unnecessary mystery: masturbation. 

Despite being one of the most natural and universal aspects of human sexuality, it still carries an unfair weight of taboo. The truth is, learning how to cultivate healthy masturbation habits can unlock not just physical pleasure, but emotional growth and self-discovery. It’s time to put outdated stigmas aside and embrace this part of yourself with open arms—and maybe an open mind.

We spoke with Bel Di Lorenzo, entrepreneur, women’s sexual health advocate, and author of The Gohddess Method, to explore ways to foster a positive, balanced approach to self-pleasure. Her expert insights will help you better understand the benefits of healthy masturbation while breaking down the barriers that may be holding you back.

The Foundations of Healthy Masturbation

Healthy masturbation begins with understanding your body and removing the shame that many of us have internalized from cultural or societal norms. Bel emphasizes that a key factor in embracing masturbation lies in understanding your internal anatomy. For example, your pelvic floor muscles are essential to enhancing pleasure.

“For people with penises, a strong pelvic floor optimizes blood flow to the region, making for stronger erections and more sensitivity when touching themselves,” she explains. “For people with vaginas, it’s on a totally different level: vaginas can learn how to squeeze, milk, lock, whip, and even twist with the vaginal muscles. They can do this on their own to stimulate the different regions inside their vaginas and gain sensitivity throughout the entire canal.”

By learning about the way your body works, you can transform masturbation into a healthy, empowering experience. Whether you’re using these techniques to explore your body solo or as a way to improve partnered intimacy, this self-awareness is a cornerstone of fostering a deeper connection with yourself.

Dispelling Myths and Embracing Self-Love

A significant barrier to healthy masturbation is the mountain of myths and misconceptions surrounding it. Society has long painted masturbation as something shameful or harmful, but science tells us otherwise. In reality, masturbation is a safe, natural activity with numerous mental and physical health benefits, from reducing stress to improving sleep.

As Bel puts it, “Self-pleasure is a celebration of your body and desires, not something to feel guilty about.” Breaking free from societal expectations starts with rewriting your internal narrative. Instead of seeing masturbation as indulgent or inappropriate, recognize it as a form of self-care.

Affirmations can be a powerful tool here. Reframe negative thoughts with phrases like, “Exploring my body is an act of self-love” or “I am worthy of pleasure and connection with myself.” When you change your mindset, you’ll discover that healthy masturbation is about more than just physical release; it’s a way to nurture self-compassion and emotional balance.

Exploring Pleasure Without Guilt

Masturbation shouldn’t feel like a guilty indulgence; it should feel like a joyful exploration of your body and desires. Bel reminds us that cultivating healthy habits starts with creating an environment of acceptance and curiosity.

“Start by prioritizing your comfort,” she says. “Whether that means setting aside quiet time, experimenting with new sensations, or even using tools like vibrators or lubricants, it’s all about what feels best for you.”

Trying new techniques or tools can also help you uncover previously unexplored dimensions of your pleasure. Instead of sticking to a routine, take the time to truly listen to your body. What feels good today might not tomorrow—and that’s okay. Healthy masturbation is about tuning into your unique rhythms and preferences.

The Role of Education in Healthy Masturbation

One of the most overlooked aspects of masturbation is the need for proper education. Many people don’t fully understand their bodies or the different ways to experience pleasure, which can lead to frustration or even physical discomfort.

Bel encourages individuals to invest in learning about their bodies. “There’s so much we aren’t taught about sexual health,” she notes. “Educating yourself can transform how you approach masturbation, turning it into a mindful and fulfilling practice.”

From anatomy guides to online resources (hello, Between Our Thighs!), there’s no shortage of tools available to help you deepen your knowledge. If you’re unsure where to start, consider seeking out sex-positive communities or workshops. When you take the time to educate yourself, you empower your journey toward healthy masturbation.

The Mind-Body Connection

Healthy masturbation isn’t just a physical act—it’s a holistic experience that encompasses both mind and body. Stress, fatigue, and even self-esteem can all influence how you approach self-pleasure. If you’re feeling disconnected from your body, practices like mindfulness or relaxation techniques can help.

“Engaging in deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation can ground you in the moment,” Bel suggests. “These practices enhance your connection with your body and allow you to experience pleasure more fully.”

By incorporating these elements into your routine, you create a space where self-pleasure becomes an act of presence and intentionality. Remember, healthy masturbation is not about chasing an orgasm but about fostering a sense of intimacy with yourself.

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Cultivating a healthy relationship with masturbation is about much more than physical gratification. It’s an opportunity to connect with your body, challenge societal stigmas, and explore your desires without judgment. As Bel Di Lorenzo so eloquently shared, understanding your anatomy, reframing your mindset, and prioritizing self-education are all crucial steps toward healthy masturbation.

By embracing this aspect of yourself, you not only unlock new levels of pleasure but also strengthen your emotional well-being and self-love. So, go ahead—turn off the noise of shame and let curiosity and acceptance take the lead. Your body (and mind) will thank you for it.