Keep It Hot, Keep It Private: The Dos and Don’ts of Safe Sexting
Let’s be real—sexting is fun. It’s spicy, it’s intimate, and it can bring you and your partner closer even when you’re miles apart (whether texts, sending nudes, or having video call sex). But in today’s digital world, one wrong move can turn a private moment into a very public nightmare. Screenshots, leaks, hacking—these aren’t just scenes from a bad Netflix thriller; they’re real risks that can turn your flirty exchanges into something you seriously regret.
So, how do you keep things sexy while staying safe? We spoke with AJ Nash, CEO of Unspoken Security, to get the lowdown on digital security risks, the best apps for intimate exchanges, and how to ensure your steamy messages don’t come back to haunt you.
Biggest Digital Risks and How to Protect Yourself
The internet never forgets, and when it comes to safe sexting, that’s a serious problem. One of the biggest risks, according to AJ, is that content meant to stay private ends up anywhere but. “This can happen when we trust the wrong people with sensitive content,” he explains. “But, beyond that, it can occur when content is transmitted via insecure means.” Even if you’re confident in your partner, bad tech choices can still betray you.
So, what’s the solution? AJ suggests using secure communication technologies that are “end-to-end encrypted, have expiration dates, and (ideally) don't allow for screenshots to be taken.” The goal is to minimize your digital footprint—because once something is out there, it’s nearly impossible to erase. Even if you delete a message, it may already exist on cloud backups, device storage, or (worst case) someone else’s gallery. And let’s not forget about phishing scams, hacking, or even accidental forwarding to the wrong person. Always double-check your recipient, and when in doubt, keep it text-only.
Your best bet? Assume anything you send could be seen by someone else, and make security your top priority.
The Best Apps for Safe Sexting
Not all messaging apps are created equal. Some treat your privacy like a sacred trust, while others… well, let’s just say Facebook Messenger is not your friend. According to AJ, the gold standard for secure sexting is Signal, which offers end-to-end encryption and message expiration features. “Platforms like Signal offer encryption and the ability to have content expire, which reduces the possibility of compromises via hacking,” he explains. Snapchat is another contender, thanks to its self-destructing messages and screenshot alerts.
While it’s tempting to use whatever app is already on your phone, choosing the wrong platform is a rookie mistake. Apps like WhatsApp, Instagram DMs, and iMessage may feel private, but they aren’t airtight. Social media platforms store data, and even private messages can be retrieved under certain circumstances. If you’re serious about keeping things secure, stick with apps that don’t retain metadata and offer advanced encryption. Before you send that pic, remember: if an app has a ‘save to gallery’ option, it’s not truly private.
Can You Ever Guarantee Total Privacy?
Short answer: no. There’s no such thing as foolproof digital security, and even the best countermeasures can’t promise 100% protection. “Honestly, you can't,” AJ admits, when asked how to ensure private content stays private. “Anything we create digitally is at risk of being compromised regardless of how we create it or where we store it.” That might not be what you want to hear, but understanding the risks is the first step in reducing them.
So, what can you do? Lower the risk.
Use apps with strong encryption, store content in encrypted folders, and avoid cloud backups that put your security in someone else’s hands. Be cautious about who you send content to—relationships change, and what feels safe today may not be tomorrow. Think before you hit send, because even a trusted partner can have their phone hacked, lose their device, or accidentally sync your messages to the cloud. If you truly want zero risk? Keep your steamy moments off-camera and in the moment.
Let’s talk worst-case scenario: your intimate content is leaked. Maybe an ex went full revenge mode, a hacker got into your files, or your device was compromised. Whatever the reason, you need to act fast. AJ’s first piece of advice? Know the laws in your area. “In many cases, someone can contact a website hosting content that was published without consent and have that content removed,” he explains. “There are also criminal and civil actions that can be pursued for dealing with individuals sharing private content.”
But here’s the reality check—if the content is hosted beyond your country’s jurisdiction, you may have little legal recourse. Once something hits certain corners of the internet, it can be nearly impossible to erase. If your content has been leaked, consider contacting a digital privacy attorney, using takedown services, and reporting the violation to the platform hosting it. While it may not always be possible to fully erase the content, limiting its spread is crucial. If someone is threatening to leak your content? Don’t engage, document everything, and get legal help immediately.
Setting Boundaries for Safer Digital Intimacy
Let’s be clear: sexting should always be fun, consensual, and free from fear. That’s why setting clear boundaries with your partner is just as important as choosing the right app. “Like most things in relationships, I'd say this starts with communication,” AJ says. Having agreed-upon rules prevents misunderstandings and ensures both partners feel comfortable and respected. Talk openly about what you’re okay with, where content is stored, and how it should be shared.
Best practices? Keep intimate content in encrypted channels like Signal, store files in encrypted folders, and limit cloud storage use. Cloud services may be convenient, but they rely on third-party security, which means you’re trusting someone else with your privacy. If sexting is a regular part of your relationship, consider setting up a ‘no-save’ rule, using disappearing messages, and always checking that your partner is on the same page.
Common Sexting Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
The biggest sexting fails? Sending the wrong message to the wrong person. “I think the most common mistake is simply sending something to the wrong person,” AJ says. It happens more often than you’d think—one distracted moment and suddenly your boss, your mom, or your group chat gets a surprise they did not sign up for. Before sending anything intimate, double (and triple) check the recipient.
Another major mistake? Using the wrong app. “People choose poor communications technologies (like Facebook Messenger!) that increase the risk of compromise,” AJ warns. Facebook Messenger stores messages on Meta’s servers, meaning your data is never fully under your control. If you value your privacy, ditch mainstream messaging apps and use ones designed for secure communication.
And finally, don’t assume that once it’s gone, it’s gone. Just because a message disappears from your chat history doesn’t mean it’s erased from existence. Someone could screenshot it, use screen recording software, or back up their data elsewhere. If you wouldn’t want it to be seen by the wrong eyes, think twice before hitting send.
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Sexting can be fun, thrilling, and an amazing way to connect with your partner—but only if you do it wisely. The internet is forever, and one wrong move can lead to leaked content, privacy breaches, and major regrets. Safe sexting starts with secure apps, strong boundaries, and an awareness of digital risks. Stick to encrypted platforms like Signal, store files securely, and never assume anything you send is completely private. And above all? If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of something becoming public, don’t send it in the first place.
As AJ Nash puts it, “Everything else is about reducing risk to levels we can tolerate…and then accepting that we may have regrets if we miscalculated those risks.” So flirt, tease, and keep the spark alive—but do it smartly.
