10 Questions to Ask Before Marriage (Part One)
When it comes to thinking about the important conversation starters to be had between you and your spouse — including questions to ask yourself before marriage — it can be difficult to come up with the most critical topics to touch on. In having these (sometimes tough) discussions, you are not only creating a firmer foundation on which to build your married life upon, but also fostering a deeper connection with your spouse-to-be.
Here are ten questions to ask before marriage, to have an intimate conversation with your fiancé€ and get to know them on a deeper level.
1. Do you want children?
In the decision of whether or not to have children, it is paramount that both potential parents are onboard. Thus, it is also one of the questions to ask yourself before marriage. Having a child (or children) when one spouse is unwilling can lead to a sense of resentment towards their partner or, in some unfortunate cases, towards the children themselves. Avoid leaving this conversation until it’s too late and be upfront with your perspectives from the get-go.
2. Is your work or family life more important to you?
Building off of the above notion is another one of our ten questions to ask before marriage. If you do decide to have children, will the advancement of your career surpass your family, in terms of importance? How will you, as a couple, keep your family at the forefront while still maintaining successful careers and remaining happy with your work lives? Will one of you be willing to work from home, or be a stay-at-home parent?
3. What do you believe is the role of a husband and the role of a wife?
The fact is, different people have different ideas on what spouses ‘should’ and ‘should not’ do, based on preconceived notions rooted in society, traditional gender roles, and exemplified throughout their upbringing. By being clear on what you expect from one another, you can sort through your anticipations in advance. All in all, it’s best to walk into a marriage as equals, viewing each other as such.
4. Is your faith or spirituality important to you?
Ask your partner if they have strong religious or spiritual ties that are important to them. How will you be expected to play a role in this? If you do not share these beliefs, will issues arise in the future? Having this discussion can become an intimate conversation, as it could be a significant factor in your lives together as a married couple and, should you have children, into their lives, too.
5. Can we discuss our sexual needs with one another?
Though this is an incredibly intimate conversation, it’s one that is important to have. A couple’s sex life is crucial to their marriage and is often tied to their happiness. Talk about the frequency of sex that you will typically expect from your partner, as well as how you can talk about your sexual needs in the future, should anything change.
6. Will you value external opinions (family and friends) over mine?
One of the marriage questions for couples that need to be considered is the input of family and friends. Not only should you talk about how much of other people’s opinions you will take to heart, but also how you will politely shut it down if it were to become overbearing. Remember: your marriage should be yours.
7. How will we work towards resolving disagreements?
Having disagreements is a natural part of any relationship and certainly does not mean that your marriage is failing. However, when people are continually fighting with no resolve to bring the argument to a resolution, it can harm your relationship. With your partner, brainstorm ways to better see eye to eye and how you can come to a compromise (before any significant issues arise). This is one of the essential marriage questions for couples to delve into!
8. Do you have any debts that need to be paid off?
Coming into a marriage with debt — including student loans, credit card debts, ‘IOUs,’ vehicle payments, and mortgages — can be a strain when it goes undisclosed. Avoid future arguments by revealing any outstanding payments needing to be made, whether they are one-time or ongoing, before their wedding date. In doing so, there will be unnecessary financial surprises once you have tied the knot.
9. How will we save for our retirement?
You should be thinking about your future, including your retirement plan. Will you set aside money into a Registered Retirement Savings Plan (RRSP), invest in the stock market, or simply set aside money in a jar stashed at the back of your closet? Regardless of what you plan to do with your post-career lives, it is critical to have an agreed plan in place while you’re still young.
10. What are your deal-breakers in a relationship?
This is the ultimate question for your fiancé(e) and is one of the main conversation starters. It’s one of the most important questions to ask yourself before marriage, too. What would be the characteristics, qualities, actions, or attitudes that your partner could develop over time that would make you want to end the marriage? What is unacceptable to you, under any circumstance? Having this conversation today could save your marriage in the future.
Though the above ten questions to ask before marriage are critical to answer, they are not the only ones that must get asked. Before committing to a lifetime of love with your fiancé(e), it’s important to know who they are as a person. Understanding the most integral parts of their belief system, personality, and plans for the future will help build a solid foundation for your marriage and thus, for your union as two unique individuals.
In fact, not only are these important conversation starters to understand your spouse-to-be better, but they are questions to ask yourself before marriage, too.
Do you agree on the importance of having an intimate conversation like those listed above? Are there any other marriage questions for couples that you would recommend? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
