Learning How to Kiss Properly: Guidance from an Expert

Everyone wants to become a great kisser, but how do you learn to give the romantic and passionate kisses that we see in the movies?

As a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, usually writing as a sexual health expert at Swedish sex magazine Passionerad, I want to give you the keys on how to level up your kissing game to go from average to becoming that dreamy kisser!

Don’t Overthink It

When it comes to kissing, many people make the same two mistakes: they overthink it, and they rush it as if there was a deadline.

Instead of making these mistakes, focus on being relaxed in your lips; be soft in your movements and take things much slower than you think they need to take—because I promise you, you have time.

All these three pieces of advice require that you’re in the moment and going with the flow instead of thinking about it too much.

To Slow Down Makes You a Better Kisser

To let things take time is an important thing everyone who wants to become a better kisser must master.

What happens when we slow down is that the kisses get more life; they become passionate, and both you and your partner will feel them more intensely. You also have more time to understand your partner and meet in your kissing styles, which makes you come off as a non-egoistic kisser. After all, to make out is almost like a play where you need to find chemistry, which usually comes by itself (if you give space by letting it take time, so that you have a chance to feel your partner)!

Also, the lips are one of the most sensitive erogenous zones, and just as when stimulating the glans of the penis or the clitoris of the vulva, we often benefit from slowing things down and focusing on being delicate in how we do things.

If you focus on these three things—being relaxed, being soft, and taking things slowly—it will make your kisses go from ‘meh’ to amazing, and people will remember you as a romantic kisser who stands out from all of the rest (who are likely lacking that fingertip feel)!

There’s No Magic Formula: You Need to Kiss, Kiss, Kiss!

However, there are no shortcuts, and you will need to practice a lot to first off find your kissing style. This would be a style which you’re comfortable with and enjoy, which often requires having many different kissing partners in order to get exposed to different kinds of techniques. It also helps you garner much more experience to help with kissing well coming naturally, relaxed and soft!

This also means you must understand that you won’t go and become a great kisser overnight, so allow yourself to be a beginner and to ‘fail’ sometimes—don’t let any weird kissing experiences stop you from continuing to evolve and keep trying!

Taste Your Partner With Curiosity

One of my other best pieces of advice is to meet the other person softly, just as you’re tasting them. Let your lips meet carefully, let it take time, show that you want to kiss them and act almost as if you were curious about their lips. In other words, don’t be stiff and reserved, but instead ‘give them’ your lips!

It often helps to slightly open your mouth so that your lips spread, and when you meet theirs, you close your mouth slightly, so that your lips tighten around theirs. Then drag back and repeat again. This will create passionate and smacking kisses, just like the ones you see in Hollywood movies!

What About Tongue Kisses? How Do You Do That?

Many people like to kiss with their tongue, but that’s also the next step and something more intimate. Thus, I generally recommend starting with normal kisses, and if you have chemistry, you can ‘invite’ in a tongue kiss.

With the tongue, it’s all about building it up. Start very carefully with your soft tongue (don’t tense it) meeting theirs. It’s important that you don’t stick your tongue into their mouth; that’s just unpleasant. You’re instead supposed to meet, and if you don’t meet their tongue, don’t push it in, but move it back into your mouth again.

Not meeting their tongue can mean they didn’t expect a tongue kiss, so it’s worth giving it another try and see if they’re open to it. If you don’t meet it a second time, it means they likely would like to stick to normal kisses

Whatever you do, have some finesse and don’t act like a dog. The tongue needs to be used with delicacy, and sure, you can have very heavy tongue kissing, but that always needs to be something you build up to together and ease into (and get a feeling for together)! This also requires that you’re responsive and pick up on your partner's signals, so don’t go into your bubble—as mentioned earlier, be in the moment!

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As with everything when it comes to sex, you can’t learn how to make out fully from reading a guide or a manual. By taking some key points with you, you can learn how to get on the ‘right path’ toward being a great kisser, though.

With that said, I hope you feel more secure in trying and finding your way and that you aren’t scared of going outside your comfort zone. Remember: slow down, be gentle and soft, and it’s okay to ‘fail’ sometimes. You will become a great kisser as you gain experience—so, go out this weekend and find yourself a kissing partner!