Let’s be honest—if you’ve ever rushed through foreplay like it’s just a speed bump before the ‘main event,’ you’re doing yourself (and your partner) a disservice.

Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up lap—it’s often where the real magic happens. It’s the spark that builds into a fire, and for many, it’s the part of sex that feels the most emotionally rich and erotically satisfying. If you’re like most people, you may not know how to make the most of those intimate, electric moments before penetration. That’s where these foreplay tips come in, to help you tap into something hotter, deeper, and more connected.

We spoke with Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and writer at Passionerad, to get the inside scoop on everything from creative techniques to better communication, and she delivered the goods.

Why Foreplay Matters More Than You Think

Before you even touch each other, foreplay starts in the mind. As Sofie Roos puts it, “Foreplay is important in many ways. First off, it’s the time to get the brain going—and since the brain is often called our biggest erogenous zone, this is essential to be able to have really great sex!”

When couples skip this step, they’re missing out on a massive part of what makes sex not just pleasurable, but meaningful. Sofie explains that intentional foreplay can make you more sensitive, enhance arousal, and help you be truly present in the moment, instead of mentally checking your to-do list.

To elevate your connection, it’s important to shift how you think about foreplay. Instead of seeing it as a prelude, treat it as an essential part of sex itself. You can even experiment by focusing solely on foreplay for a week or two—no penetration allowed—to fully explore its possibilities.

“To prioritize it more, you should start viewing it as a part of the sex itself, and not as something you ‘have’ to do before the sex,” Sofie recommends. “You can, for example, try not to have penetrative sex for one or two weeks and only focus on foreplay when [feeling] horny—that will do wonders!”

Creative Foreplay Tips to Break Out of Routine

Foreplay shouldn’t feel like déjà vu. If your routine is starting to feel a little stale, it’s time to spice things up. According to Sofie, the beauty of foreplay is its versatility. “If you want to start trying new things in bed, begin with the foreplay,” she says. From temperature play to remote-controlled vibrators, there’s no shortage of ways to get imaginative.

Want something sexy and cerebral? Read erotic novels aloud to each other. It’s not only a turn-on but creates an intensely intimate experience.

“To hear your partner read a sex novel, or to read it for them, creates an extremely intimate moment... surprisingly hot,” says Sofie. Or, for those who love a thrill, try using a remote-controlled vibrator during a public outing. “To be sexual in public and know that you’re pleasing your partner when no one around you has a clue feels very naughty,” she adds.

Plus, don’t overlook underrated moves like discovering new erogenous zones (ears, thighs, forearms) or playing slow, sensual teasing games. Foreplay isn’t one-size-fits-all, so play around and find what sends sparks flying.

Talking Dirty... and Talking Honestly

If your foreplay routine isn’t quite hitting the mark, it might be time to talk—not just dirty, but directly. Communicating desires, boundaries, and curiosities is how you co-create better experiences with your partner.

“It’s best to do this outside of the sex and when being sober,” Sofie advises. “If it feels embarrassing or difficult to talk about, you can preferably have the chat when not looking at each other, such as when being on a walk, being in the car or when cuddling in the bed.”

Approaching the conversation with curiosity instead of criticism is key. This is your chance to be open, not judgy. “Everyone has different preferences, and if you are rude and disrespectful when your partner tries to tell you about what they’d like to try out, the risk is major that they won’t open up again,” she says.

One helpful strategy is to try things slowly, one idea at a time. Make sure you’ve got a safety net—a safeword or signal you both agree on. That way, even when exploring new territory, you’re doing it in a space rooted in trust and consent.

The Head Game: Why Emotional Stimulation Is Crucial

Arousal isn’t just a physical reaction; it’s deeply mental and emotional. For people who take longer to get in the mood (which, by the way, is extremely normal), foreplay is the bridge that gets them there. Sofie reminds us, “Foreplay is the transition from being in everyday mood to getting ready for sex.”

That’s what makes it so valuable—not just physically but emotionally, especially for those who need to feel safe and emotionally connected to get turned on.

It’s also why mindless, rushed foreplay often misses the mark. “You need to be very in the moment when foreplay, and show emotions as well as be passionate for it to be great and be as arousing as it really can be,” says Sofie. That’s where slow-building intensity, eye contact, synchronized breathing, and verbal affirmation all come into play.

It’s not just about what you do—it’s how present you are when doing it. If you want your partner melting into your touch, you’ll need to engage their heart and mind, not just their skin.

Bringing Foreplay Outside the Bedroom

The best part? Great foreplay doesn’t just boost your sex life—it strengthens your relationship overall.

According to Sofie, the intimacy built during foreplay creates a ripple effect. “The safety, honesty and vulnerability spreads to other situations as well where it becomes easier to communicate and understand each other, but also to really open up and show all your sides,” she shares. It’s not just about orgasms, it’s about emotional oxygen for your partnership.

Don’t underestimate the power of biochemistry. “During foreplay, we release tons of oxytocin, also called the ‘love hormone,’ which will make you feel more in love outside of bed,” Sofie explains.

Translation? More foreplay equals more bonding, more affection, and more resilience as a couple. So, the next time you’re thinking about skipping it—don’t. It’s an investment in your connection that pays off in and out of the bedroom.

Stuck in a Rut? Here’s How to Reignite the Spark

If your current foreplay feels more ‘meh’ than ‘mind-blowing,’ you’re not alone (and the fix might be simpler than you think). Sofie suggests couples begin by acknowledging the desire for change.

“Start off with bringing up the topic so you make sure that trying new foreplay is something the both of you are interested in!” From there, she recommends creating a wish list of things you’d like to explore, broken down into three intensity levels: from vanilla to advanced.

You don’t need to dive into the deep end right away. “Begin with the most vanilla things and then go more advanced,” Sofie advises.

Don’t forget the importance of following up. Talk about what you tried, how it felt, and whether you’d like to do it again. This type of aftercare turns your sexual experiences into a dialogue—one where growth and pleasure go hand in hand. When you’re intentional about spicing things up, the benefits often reach far beyond the bedroom.

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If there’s one thing to take away from these foreplay tips, it’s that the magic doesn’t begin at penetration—it begins the moment you start building anticipation. Foreplay isn’t just a stepping stone; it’s a central part of great sex and emotional intimacy.

Whether you’re exploring temperature play, syncing your breathing, reading erotica together, or having tough conversations, each step brings you closer not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, too. Take your time, experiment with confidence, and enjoy the journey. After all, when done right, foreplay is the best part of sex.

Foreplay Tips That Will Transform Your Sex Life (and Your Relationship)