How to Maintain a Fulfilling Sex Life During Menopause (Yes, Really!)

Menopause might be nature’s way of telling you that the baby factory is closed, but it absolutely does not mean your sex life has to be, too. In fact, for many people, this chapter of life becomes an opportunity to explore a whole new world of pleasure—one that’s deeply sensual, emotionally intimate, and (dare we say) better than ever before.

Let’s be real: the sex life during menopause might look different than it did in your twenties, but different doesn't mean dull. With a bit of creativity, open communication, and the right guidance, this can be your most erotic era yet.

To get the juicy details, we spoke to Dr. Trina Read, a sexologist at Sensual Tastes Publishing, who shared her insights on the sexual transitions of menopause and how couples (and individuals) can thrive through it all.

Understanding Sexual Changes and How to Adapt

Let’s start by stating the obvious: our bodies change, and menopause is not shy about making itself known. As Dr. Read explains, “Most couples learn one way to have sex. There may be times during perimenopause and menopause when intercourse may not be possible.” Men may start to face erectile difficulties, and women often experience vaginal or clitoral atrophy, along with a loss of sensation. Cue the vaginal dryness, itching, burning, and the lovely bonus rounds of urinary incontinence or UTIs.

These changes might sound like mood-killers, but here’s the empowering truth: “Intercourse is one way to have sex. There are thousands of other ways a couple can share intimacy,” says Dr. Read. Forget the orgasm-as-the-goal script. “When couples open up to what is possible, they find sex turns into exploring-the-body-sensuality-sex.” It's about tapping into a deeper connection and rediscovering the erogenous zones you may have forgotten.

According to a 2023 AARP study, more people over 40 are embracing erotic exploration—masturbation and oral sex included. In fact, 83% of Americans over 40 report having erotic dreams or fantasies. Yes, even your parents’ generation is getting frisky. So if your sex life during menopause is shifting, consider it a chance to reimagine pleasure rather than retire it.

Talk Dirty (or at Least Honestly)

You can't fix what you won't talk about, and when your body starts rewriting the sexual rulebook, communication becomes your most powerful aphrodisiac. Dr. Read puts it bluntly: “Maintaining a healthy sexuality during perimenopause and into menopause is a balancing act. It can be discouraging and frustrating, and women tend to bottle those emotions, which come out the other end in unproductive ways.”

The key to keeping intimacy alive is having the guts to say, “Hey, this feels different,” and then working as a team to figure out what the new normal looks like. “Most women don't know how to communicate about: her changed body, her changed desire patterns (which can be different every day), and her need for something different during sex,” Dr. Read explains.

These conversations might be awkward at first, especially if you’ve spent decades not talking about sex. But once you push through the discomfort, the rewards are delicious. “Couples need to communicate about their needed sexual workarounds to their new bodies,” she adds. Those vulnerable chats open the door to the best sex of your life. Yes, even post-hot flashes.

Blame It on the Hormones, Then Take Control

There’s no denying it: hormonal shifts play a starring role in the changes you’ll notice during menopause. Declining estrogen levels can reduce libido and make arousal harder to reach, and as Dr. Read points out, “More than a third of women in menopause report having sexual difficulties, from lack of interest in sex to trouble having an orgasm.”

Painful sex is often rooted in vaginal atrophy. “It's the spot on the entrance to the vagina that gets significantly thin and painful and where a lot of pain with penetration comes from,” she notes. But don’t despair—there are solutions. Vaginal moisturizers and suppositories can help ease dryness. And if you’re ready for a more targeted approach, Dr. Read recommends estrogen cream for both vaginal and clitoral atrophy.

These tools aren’t about ‘fixing’ menopause, they’re about making your body feel more like yours again. Empowerment in the bedroom starts with giving yourself permission to seek comfort and pleasure, not push through pain.

Get Creative with Techniques and Toys

This isn’t just about surviving the changes, it’s about thriving. When penetration becomes uncomfortable or unpredictable, it’s time to expand your menu. As Dr. Read advises, “Your pelvic floor muscles are like every other muscle in your body—they need to be exercised and toned, or they will start to atrophy over time.”

Pelvic floor issues aren’t just an inconvenience. “One in four women is affected by pelvic floor problems that hinder her overall wellness and sexual satisfaction.” Fortunately, there’s a simple (and free) solution: Kegels. “They’re the Swiss army knife of your sexual pleasure—they’re free, easy to do, and take less than two minutes a day,” Dr. Read says.

Beyond exercises, this is the perfect moment to explore toys, positions, and techniques that bring more comfort and pleasure. Positions that reduce pressure on the pelvic area, silicone-based lubricants, and vibrating toys designed for external stimulation can all help revamp your sex life during menopause into something downright delicious.

Keep the Spark When the Old Playbook Doesn’t Work

Let’s face it: Sex might not feel the same as it used to. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. Dr. Read emphasizes that maintaining intimacy during menopause is all about mindset. “The trick is to keep a positive mindset, which will help her through the turbulence of her 40s and 50s while simultaneously opening up her sensuality.”

Reframing this time as a new chapter of erotic exploration allows couples to stay emotionally and physically connected, even when the methods shift. Swap performance expectations for playful curiosity. Try body massages without the pressure of “ending” in an orgasm. Laugh together through the clumsy moments. The key is remembering that you’re still a team, and the goal is connection, not choreography.

Flying Solo? Make It a First-Class Ride

If you’re navigating menopause without a partner, you are not excluded from the sexual renaissance. In fact, this could be your golden age of pleasure. “Sex after 50 is not going to be the sex she had when she was 20, and that's a good thing,” Dr. Read insists. “Her sexual pleasure centres around sensuality, which is where toe-curling sex lives.”

This is your chance to discover what really turns you on without compromise. “It is realistic that when a woman is in her 50s and beyond, she hits her sexual stride and becomes the sexiest version of herself,” says Dr. Read. And the research backs her up. Many women over 50 report feeling more confident, less self-conscious, and more attuned to their own needs than ever before.

Why? “There is a theory that when women turn 40, they produce less oxytocin, the tending and mending hormone. Instead of tending and mending others, she can focus more on herself,” Dr. Read adds. That translates to asking for what you want, leaning into what feels good, and ditching the guilt. Sound sexy? That’s because it is.

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Yes, your sex life during menopause may look different, but it can still be deeply fulfilling, wildly pleasurable, and emotionally rich. Whether you’re coupled up or solo, menopause invites you to slow down, tune in, and explore what feels right for your changing body. As Dr. Trina Read so wisely reminds us, this isn’t the end of your sexual story; it’s a plot twist that just might lead to the hottest chapter yet.

So go ahead, rewrite the rules. Your body’s not broken, it’s evolving. And your sex life during menopause? It’s just getting started.